My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Thursday, August 17, 2006

You Make the Call

I keeps my blog real.



I talk about things that some cats may not want to talk about or admit because it shows true feelings. Like I told Miz JJ, I write sometimes knowing that I might get verbally ball-batted for what I say. So lets go on with today's thought.


Ok, something has been on my mind for a while, and I haven't blogged about it. I even debated writing it, but its better to talk about it to the masses of quasi psychologists (YOU ALL) right?

You ever thought you liked someone seriously because at one time you "had" them and now you don't or you're not sure?
One of my favorite people to talk about, ol Chappelle #2 has been on my mind for a lil while now. Let's recap the story.



* * * *


We started out as messing around back in November/December-ish of last year
She caught feelings in February and wanted to take it to the next level.
I didn't want to.
She wasn't happy and decided that we should end it and we didn't talk for a while.
I agreed.
She missed the little thing we had and told me that she could handle being friends with benefits.
I agreed. (LOL)
I started to date other ladies and left her alone for a while.
She was busy with work and personal life so she never noticed, or never said anything to me about it.
We've had many disagreements along the way, many of them started by me. I can be a shit starter at times, I admit.
The last time we went out I marred a great outing by acting a fool.
We stopped talking for a while after that.
About a week ago we had a long chat about things, so we're cool again.
But I don't know If I still "have" her like I did in the past.
The last time we had sex was 2 months ago, although good, I debated if I wanted to.



* * * *

Recently, I had a dream (maybe T-Cas could decipher, lol) that we were at a party and she came with a lesbian lover. A butch lesbian, at that.

So this is what I'm thinking: I miss her (stuff), and once I get it again, I'll be back to how I was before.

Or is there more?

Would I be willing to accept all of her flaws and shortcomings?

I think its the former.




To Be Continued.......but the next episode doesn't have a scheduled date yet.


Thanks For Reading,

Robert Mack

26 Comments:

Blogger Miz JJ said...

Thanks for the shout-out.

Why can't you just have a friends with benefits relationship without all the drama? Is there a reason you start up the shit with a girl you don't have 'feelings' for? I have a friends with benefits arrangement and we rarely fight because we really don't spend that much time together. I don't have it for him that I wanna fight with him over some bullshit. That's something I would do if I had a man.

Thu Aug 17, 12:23:00 PM  
Anonymous MzNewAgenda said...

I think that the friends with bennys goes out the door when you know that one party has caught feelings that are not mutual.

My fellow Gemini....I see this in myself alot so I'm going to ask you this:

Has she become more attractive because her attention on you has dwindled? You know us Geminis....nothing looks better than the bird in the bush....even if we have one in the hand.

Thu Aug 17, 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Miz JJ
We would always have misagreements about what was said. That type of stuff...No matter how you look at it, there is some kind of feelings when your FWB's...but the drama didnt start until she wanted to take it to the next level..."thats when the relationship grayed" - Jay-Z

Newy
Yep, I think that's what it is...I dont get that attention (and I crave attention from ladies) like I once did....I know she still likes me though...thats why I said that if I was to get her again I would probably act like I did before. Not the "acting a fool" part, just the "i dont care" part...get me?

Yeah youre right, nothing looks better than bush...wait maybe I didnt read that right..LOL

Thu Aug 17, 03:01:00 PM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

This is a common male problem. It's the reason I kept fucking with all my exes. I wanna see if I still got that "gravitational pull" that I brag about (thus my email address, dabigplanet).

As soon as you fuck her again, she'll go back to the trash heap. Fuck her for fun if you want to, but it won't be a lasting little thing.

KZ

Thu Aug 17, 03:47:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Sounds like how Puddy and I were carrying on...and like I got over him...you can do the same...

And yes, I think because she not paying you no mind you want her...my dad told me thats what I needed to do to Puddy...and if he comes back he will, but at this point, I don't even think about him like that.

We didn't have anything substantial other than great sex and friendly jokes and advice. So I wish I wouldn't never have fucked him...I really don't then at least we could be friends....and I don't know why we would argue, but most of the time we was just BS'n and shit talking....but the real agruements ended in us not talking for a while...

I agree with Zed, men like to see if they still got it like that...in Puddy's case, he can't get it again...

Thu Aug 17, 06:06:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Sorry, Mack. I can only analyze my own messed up shit. But I'll throw an opinion out there. I think Miz JJ hit it on the head. Just fucking is just fucking. Ain't no need in fighting if thats all there is.

I wasn't reading back then, so why didn't you want a relationship with ol girl? Or was it that you didn't want a relationship at all?

Thu Aug 17, 06:36:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

I co-sign with Miz JJ

Thu Aug 17, 07:06:00 PM  
Blogger Mr.Slish said...

T cas he don't want a relatonship with her because she's not a trophy chick...Probably think his boys will clown his ass..lol.. Peep this Mack. To someone else Chappelle is a Dime piece. Bloggers Mack likes Chapelle he's just suffering from what most dudes his age suffer from " Will she make me look good in public"
I been there bruh. Kinda makes your head hurt..lol

Thu Aug 17, 10:22:00 PM  
Blogger Miss Ahmad said...

sounds like ya'll got too much history, (read) baggage for a fresh start.

i say go out and find someone that kinda reminds you of her, but minus all the drama!

Thu Aug 17, 11:41:00 PM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

This chick is bi-sexual or she was just there with a friend who happens to be a lesbian? Got confused there.

The back and forth relationship "fuck buddy" thing is exhausting. You don't "want" to get attached, you abruptly switch up on us...you men need to get your damn act together! :-)

Uh oh...wait. Everything I just said sounds like the shit I do with men sometimes. Hmmm.

Let's just label this as a universal issue on second thought.

Fri Aug 18, 04:20:00 AM  
Blogger onefromphilly said...

I think we have all be guilty of this once or twice in life - going back because it's familiar and easier than finding somebody new. Cut her loose, you don't really want her, at least not like she wants to be wanted. It's hard work my friend but you just gotta get out there and find somebody NEW!

Fri Aug 18, 08:38:00 AM  
Blogger 1InTheSame said...

Speaking from personal experience, there have been women that I "thought" I was really feeling and then I "had" them and they start to be an annoyance...I dont want to believe it is all in the thrill of the chase but damn that is what it's looking like.

Fri Aug 18, 09:37:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

What up e'ybody.....let me respond...



KZ
Yeah I'm really thinking that. You just said it in a more colorful way..lol...trash heap...LOL!!!...

Nsane
Wow,you all sounded similar. I think I'll leave it how it is then. But we did have a good time whenever we hung out, and she likes sports.

T-Cas
Damn, I was looking for some help with that one..LOL...I think the dream represented change. Im still trying to figure out the lesbian part though. She's not into that. And yall know I fished around to see if she was(LOL)...man we would argue over silly shit man, I felt she wouldnt tell me what was on her mind at times and hold in it,...yeah slish told you part of the reason...I'll explain it more when I respond to him.

Tenacious
Me Too. In a way

Slish
LOL!!!! Slish that's exactly it....One man's trash is another's treasure...and someone thinks that she's a potential treasure...she told me that "its nice for someone who makes her feels like she is worth something"...That's what we all want right?
Not necessarily my boys though, I guess I think of the long term. Would I have been happy with her 6 months down the line? She has a lil 2 year old daughter, and at first I let that get in way but now I would be cool with it, and plus her daughter is adorable...then I didnt like the fact that she smokes cigs...so I would have to accept that....The girl can be pretty "when she wants to", like I said before sometimes she can have that west side ghetto look to her...a lot of her family is like that.


Miss Ahmad
First timer? Welcome.....I agree with you except for the someone like her part....Id rather have the original...the next might be even more effed up like the movie Multiplicity..lol

Mistress
No she dont go that way at all...Thats why the dream got me...Yeah we all do it, men or women...Funny how that is right?


OneFromPhilly
I don't think its because its familiar, its just that I aint getting that attention from her no more, you know? But yeah the alternative is to always try to find someone new to get your mind off of someone else...


1 in the same
Yeah im telling you the chase is like the best part right? LOL

Fri Aug 18, 09:58:00 AM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

Sorrry Mr. Mack for coming to the table late... but may I offer my opinion? I'm hardly an expert in love and dating situations, but, it appears to me that you really don't want this woman. That's the reason why you acted so callous and mannish in the beginning of the thang because you knew in your heart that you would never be serious about her. You were trying to drive her away from you with your sabotaging tactics and antics, probably because you didn't want to hurt her feelings. This lady is not attractive to you emotionally, spiritually, etc, and I think the lesbian dream you had about her only served to show that you'll never be willing to see her in a good light. Maybe you should let her know that you aint totally vibin' on her so SHE can make the decision as to whether or not she wants to stay in your life. Acting silly don't get it; you gotta be honest and straightforward with a woman if you aint on her like that anymore.

We women don't fully believe and grasp it UNTIL we actually hear it out the mouths of men. You might have to give up having access to the snatch as a trade off, but if you keep coming for sex, she'll keep thinking ya'll are good to go.

Fri Aug 18, 10:34:00 AM  
Blogger Msnhim said...

It seems its the chase you like, I'll addmit I have been guilty of the same. If you really dont want a relationship with her let her go. What was a FWB relationship has turn into more for her. if your not ready for that let her go.

Fri Aug 18, 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

ITs the opposite with me...my ex tryna get back..i tried the CB thing with him but i cant have sex with a LIAR.....i know i gotta {PULL on him) so he says he cant leave me alone and i wish he would. I have moved on. I used to have dreams involving him and other girls..i didnt know what that meant..but I do NOT want him back at all

Fri Aug 18, 10:54:00 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Jo Jo Dancer is sooo right!!!
Men just need to be honest in what they want out of the relationship, cause women tend to get mixed signals, mistaking sex for love....especially if you "wining and dining" her...if its a fuck then call me at like 12am come over, do the deed and head out...

Not all that lovey dovey couple type shit....

Fri Aug 18, 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Robert Mack said...
@ALL
I'm crazy busy today so I may not get to your blog today...but thanks for coming by...

Jo Jo D.
No its ok, as always thanks for coming by....
Between you and Slish I know where to go because you're hitting on some great points...In the dream I was ticked off because I felt like she was doing it to spite me or something (LOL)...I'm actually going to ask the original Mack (pops) about it and see what he says...but she has some good qualities, its just do the good outweigh the bad in my light? Probably not...
And remember in the blog I said we had a long talk about some things last week.

MsnHim
Hey you....that's what I think I'm going to do....You know I guess that "man" gene in me wants to keep playing the game, but she doesn't. I guess its the bottom of the 9th with 2 outs and 2 strikes..I love sports analogies...LOL..

Negropino
So you've moved on? No more late night visits?...There is no chance of yall getting back together?

Nsane
See my prob is I'm too passionate (LOL but serious), so females get caught up in that.....I was always honest with her though...although I would say whatever I could to string her along a while back....

Fri Aug 18, 03:16:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

hE KEEPS TRYing saying ill always be his MOMMIE..but i have told him he's still the same person from 3 yrs ago ia int....I try not to accept his phone calls, he shows up at my job...cant help if i got the bomb :) and i know how to treat a brutha they all wanna come back but I aint the COMEBACK KID

Fri Aug 18, 03:53:00 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...

Come on with the rest....

Fri Aug 18, 06:52:00 PM  
Blogger Atl_Mack said...

I think Mr Slish HIT the Nail on the Head right there and JOJO hit the other nail...
Dont overthink it (easier said than done). Its a trap!
But I can appreciate your realness.

Fri Aug 18, 07:09:00 PM  
Blogger *snake*bite* said...

Not sure on this one. Maybe it is the feeling of not havin someone to be there for you if you know what i mean, the support line that everyone wants. But when you got it, you may not feel the same way. That same support line that you thought you needed if not given from the right person can turn into one big ball of stress that i don't think you need.
On a different note hows the weight thing goin i lost another 3 pounds which is pretty poor for one week. I guess next week is a new week!
xxS*Bxx

Sun Aug 20, 09:39:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Negropino
Coming up to the job? Wow, I've never done that. Well one time, but I was 19 I think.

Phoenix
The rest of what? If you mean about me and Chappelle #2 then there really aint much to say right now, that why I said the next episode doesn't have a scheduled date yet....she's doing her thing I'm doing mine, if anything happens I'll be sure to blog about it.....

Atl_Mack
Man do you know that if I didnt think how well off I would be....
"My greatest enemy is MY INNER ME"

*S*B*
I'm agreeing with you...but hey you're losing so there you go...every little bit counts...

Mon Aug 21, 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger A woman on the move said...

Why can't you just have a friend with benefits relationship without all the drama?

I too know this arrangement all too well. It’s the story of my current life. He’s roughly 2,500 miles a way (thank God). I say that because that’s the beauty of our relationship- the distance.

Being friends puts less pressure on our situation. And eliminates the drama part in our relationship. Our physical relationship has always been one of the best. But eventually someone does start to catch feelings (mainly the female). But as long as the communication lines are wide open and honesty remains the best policy, things work out.

But one must also know what it is they expect out of the arrangement. If one wants friendship while the other is trying to phase into the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, you’re embarking on drama.

Mon Aug 21, 11:17:00 AM  
Blogger tjeanise said...

You just want some azz from this woman-admit it. Just be a man and let it go before you hurt her badly.

Tue Aug 22, 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Woman on the move
He's too far...you need some local *stuff*...LOL...But yeah you can't be FWB's for too long, someone is bound to catch feelings, thats just how it goes..

Tjeanise
Yeah, that might be true...I wish I could find out.

Tue Aug 22, 03:21:00 PM  

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