My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Not how I envisioned the Summer so far......

* Let me throw in this disclaimer that I'm not sure what direction I'm going in with today's entry. I'm just writing and hoping that the letters I type in will eventually form clear thoughts from myself for the reading audience. Thank you. *

I remember just two months back how happy I was feeling. I had just recently purchased a truck, I had just begun seeing a beautiful young lady , I had an upcoming play with a prominent role and the future was looking bright. I was telling anyone who would listen that this summer was going to be the best of my life. Now, as I gaze at the calender and see that it is Day 58 (because most people consider the summer as Memorial Day to Labor Day, a span of 99 days) of the warmest time of the year, I don't feel as though I lived it like I wanted. And I'm starting to feel like this is going to be a repeat of the DDD of 2005 (Desert Dick Debacle). But it's not about that, really. I just thought that I was either going to meet a lot of women or at least be on my way to something special with someone. You know how they say that you have to figure something out for yourself? Well I guess I figured it out, somewhat. People have told me all of the time that I'm not going to meet anyone if I don't put myself out there, and I've come up with a multitude of reasons. But after the past weekend of TV watching (alone), It finally hit me that all I do on my time off is stay holed up in the crib.


Well, the main reason is my work schedule. I work 2 jobs 4 days a week. I work from 8am-430pm at one job, and 6-12 midnight at the other. Remember how I was chirping about having the weekends off from my 2nd job? Now it looks as though my other schedule might have been more conducive. Because now I have to work at the 2nd job for 4 days in a row, and with the other schedule I didn't have to work more than 2 days without having a day off in between. So with this new schedule, by the time Fridays at midnight come, I am dog tired. So I spend Saturdays trying to recover from the week. Its like I know that I should "get up, get out and do something", but the feeling of not having any obligations overcome me as well as the amount of TV that I've stored on the DVR, so in the end I look up and its already midnight again and I'm falling asleep. And this cycle repeats on Sunday.

So, it hit me over the weekend. I just can't expect to find the type of chicks that I like to be knocking at my door. I can't blame it on the past. That shit is over. It's not about being shy or not having confidence anymore. It has nothing to do with me not thinking I'm not handsome or nothing, because there are a lot of females that like me (I catch a lot of them staring at me at the 2nd job, lol), its just that I'm going to have to work hard to get what I want. And this is in everyday life as well. I know that I'm going to have to eventually shed about 25 pounds (which I know I can do easily) and work on my pectoral and ab game if I want to put myself in a better position for acting or modeling. So if it means getting off my ass on the weekends, so be it.

So now that I've had yet another epiphany, let see if anything changes.

So here's to the remaining 41 days of the summer.

Thanks for Reading,

Robert Mack


Blogger 1InTheSame said...

yo Mack I feel your pain bruh... I was just thinking along the same lines the other day...What in the hell do I do with my time, there is so much more that I should be trying to accomplish, but lately i have been idle sitting on my ass watching TV ( I think I am going to get the DTV disconnected )... I am with you dog ..heres to making these next 41 days the best they can be.

Tue Jul 25, 10:47:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

This summer is going by so fast.....but life is what u make what u aint got nobody? neither do content with life, im still young it doesnt bother me..cuz i have FREEDOM and osme ppl don't....its kinda hard when u have 2 jobs to do much cuz with all the extra money u cant even spend it cuz you are so tired..too tired to date..too tired ot wash your ass sometimes.....U need to schedule some ME time.........i want u to do something Sunday and buy yourself something pretty :)

Tue Jul 25, 11:48:00 AM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

What happened to our plan. I thought we was going to introduce ourselves to at least one NEW woman a week.

Come on Mr. Mack...get in this fukin game and stop making excuse. To hell with the abs and pecs I seen the pics and what you got is plenty good for a lot of women.

"Excuses are tools of the incompetent...used to build monuments of nothing...and those who specialize in them...are seldom capable of anything!"

I am so mad that I will never be able to forget that friggin shyt LOL!! *someone out there will be able to feel me*

Tue Jul 25, 01:33:00 PM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

RD: I FEEL YOU!!! I can't get that shit out my head neither. Unless, you have ever been in a situation where excuses were just what you quoted, it goes right over your head ;)


Now, you all see why I was so harsh with Robert on his other post...

Tue Jul 25, 02:02:00 PM  
Blogger The Phoenix aka ThatGirlTam said...

Well...seeing how I'm the oldest person to comment thus far (beating out RD by a year and some months), trust me when I say, you have to make goals and set priorities - but MAKE TIME to have a life of your own.

It sounds as though you KNOW what you want and know're working on getting it, but sometimes - something's gotta give. Perhaps look into a replacement job for one of the TWO jobs that you have now...or talk to one of your bosses to adjust your schedule.

As you get older, there ain't no more summer's not like some fantasy world where you get to fuck off for 3 months of the year anymore. This is the REAL WORLD.

Companionship is cool...but if your need to succeed is stronger than your need for companionship, then I say let it wait - or at least put it on the back burner. You're living in a grown up world sweetie...gotta play by grown up rules now...

Imagine how I feel coming home from work to 3 BOYS every husband works nights, and I gotta deal with the kids and all their emotional needs BY MYSELF! I don't get a break...but it IS what it IS...LIFE.

Tue Jul 25, 02:37:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

Rob, you're still young...get yo energy levels up!...Working out will definitely eliminate that fatigue and yo ass won't be able to sit still...

Your main focus is getting laid, so go out and get laid, she might not be the woman of your dreams, but you just want to get there...get laid..
But you don't wanna shit where you eat, by fuckin with broads at work, DRAMMA!!

But yea, like me, I stay couped up in the crib, so I will never find someone, but I'm not looking either, however, I have an "excuse", I am a single mother....and finding someone is not on the top of my priority list...but you, have no children, 2 great jobs, your own place and a car, NO EXCUSES....

Get yo work out on, which will build confidence and energy...

Bout time you blogged, you blog slacker....I get mad when I see the same shit for weeks...

Make me wanna take you off "my buddy list"...

Tue Jul 25, 02:42:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

1 in the same
Let's do it bruh! And can I get some more writing from you?

Papi's Princess
I just mad at myself for not meeting more people that's all...I've had plenty of ME time, I need some "US" or some "IN" I gotta save for this family reunion so I won't be buying anything for a minute

Momma RD
The Mack-o-meter hasn't got out so a rousing start can say I'm 1 for 1, but I wouldnt count that number I got, so I'm still 0 for 0, have yet to take a shot....thanks for the compliments, but I want to give myself as many opportunities in acting/modeling I can...if I don't make it on a the big/little screen, then I can model some joe boxers in a kmart ad or the money at!!!!! and I probably dont need to lose 25, really just 10-15...I just want to get back to about 200...Im going to improve, and I love the quote

Momma Dynasty
Yes, maam. (LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

"The" Phoenix
Hey beautiful!!!!
If I want to, I can do both. I just gotta adjust thats all. I'm a hardheaded individual, and I figured some things out. I could go back to that schedule but in the end I think I'll enjoy the weekends off more. I'll just drink a Red Bull. 3 boys huh? Wow....

Tue Jul 25, 03:01:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

I'm not going to put +certain+ people on blast, but I'll just say that I'll blog more when +certain+ people email me back.

But anyways, I just said that I would drink a red bull or something..I really don't know when I;ll get the workout on, probably not until Jan 07. I plan on working at the 2nd job until then...I'm done with the laid to be laid stuff (I think), looking for more. Its not the confidence anymore, suprisingly. It just finally hit me that I need to work hard, nothing comes easy in life. And for the most part, a lot of things have come easy to me.

Tue Jul 25, 03:09:00 PM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

This summer is going by fast and I wish it would just slow down. You're working hard, but remember to treat yourself first.

Tue Jul 25, 03:11:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Miz JJ
Tell me about just seemed like it was a few weeks ago that I was in a play, but that was nearly a month and a half ago...I'm going to treat myself this weekend!

Tue Jul 25, 04:30:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

I feel your pain where has my summer gone?! I've spent more time being a lazy bum than anything

don't forget to take some time for yourself

cant have u all stressed's too hot for that ;-)

Tue Jul 25, 06:54:00 PM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

I used to relate to the whole "where has the summer gone" thing...UNTIL I moved to AZ where it's summer all the damn time!

I'm looking forward to the "summer" being over and can't wait until October gets here!

Anyway, the world is at your feet, you won't have a tough time losing the 25 pounds, you're a man, that shit comes off easy for you guys!

Tue Jul 25, 11:20:00 PM  
Blogger Blah Blah Blah said...

Internet dating!
Most people don't like to admit that they have resorted to interrnet dating as if they "couldn't" meet a person the old fashion way...but it's not about that.

Your have access to the internet. EX:I am in front of a computer 9 hours a day...with time on my hands...why not strike up some friendly conversations...get the prelimenaries out of the way with the basic get-to-know someone conversation. Decide on who I want to entertain and cast off the ones that are bugs. All this without having to get dressed up, spend any money, or be rude.

my buck 67

Wed Jul 26, 09:23:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

I'm good actually. I figured out the problem. It is too hot, you know I live right off the lake (South Shore Dr) so I get a nice lake breeze, but STILL it be hotter than a muh...

I don't see how yall do, 110 degrees constantly. But I hear its dry heat, so its not as "sauna-like" ...yeah I'm going to start the diet for real after labor day...last year I dropped 15 pounds just from playing bball twice a week and I wasnt really dieting, so I know I could drop them...I'm like in the 225-230 range, and I would love to get down to 200.

Blah Blah Blah
I've tried it, twice I think..well twice I was successful...I can do it the old fashioned way just gotta get off my ass on the weekends, simply put. I kinda go back and forth with the internet dating thing, as far as whether or not I would do it...but thanks for the buck 67, now i can go get a can pop and a grab bag of doritos!

Wed Jul 26, 09:54:00 AM  
Blogger Paula D. said...

What up Mack! It's all gravy baby. You're working hard doing what you need to do. Yeah, the Summer is almost over...but then comes Fall, Winter & the Spring. You have plenty of time to meet someone and make things happen :-)

Wed Jul 26, 10:00:00 AM  
Blogger onefromphilly said...

First time commenting, so here's my 2cents worth.
First: Join the gym, pay for it with autopay. Money is a great motivator, once they start taking your money you WILL get up and go! You'll feel better and more energetic, and those abs will be a 6pack in no time.

Second: Give internet dating another try. Blah is correct, you're in front of the computer 8-9 hours every day. This can get all of the prelim out of the way. i have several friends who found husbands this way. And one got her husband out of Egypt another from Australia!!!

You are young, so please DATE, don't even think about being too serious until you're 30.

Everybody has given you some really good advice don't just take it, take it right NOW

Wed Jul 26, 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Man, your whole shit is legit. You're fuckin' tired. Do what you can when you can. You'll get the women in time. Sometimes shit just slows down for whatever reason. Don't sweat it.


Wed Jul 26, 12:38:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Paula D.
I've watched too much porn over the last year. That's all I'll say

OneFrom Philly
I can't do the autopay...I'll think about joining when I'm done with the 2nd job...Internet Dating is going to be a last ditch effort....I actually would love to be married at 30, or at least engaged...

See, I would agree if I believed that I've made efforts to improve the situation, but I haven't really.....And as you know from being here last month, its some grade A chicks in Chicago...there's one that comes by my blog every day *wink*

Wed Jul 26, 04:14:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

*lol* Shut up Rob, I'll be in Minnesota next week, so like New Edition said, "You gotta count me out..."

Yea I come errday and get mad when the same shit is here!!!

Wed Jul 26, 05:26:00 PM  
Blogger *snake*bite* said...

I feel you Mack! This summer seems like it is going to quickly to get anything done, but i have had to make time. I was working a second job which was Friday and Saturday nights in a nightclub, but i quit as i needed sometime for myself and i realised i was getting taxed pretty much the same i earnt (pointless). At the moment i am in the process of paying off old debts and getting my ass in gear at the gym. Very good place to meet guys!!!!
All i can say to you really is to take things as they come with a lot of enthusiasm to new stuff and the attitude with the courage to leave behind the garbage but most of all take your time, as stress is everyones worst enemy.
If that makes sense!!
Take care

Fri Jul 28, 05:13:00 AM  
Blogger DivineLavender said...

I have to work alot during the academic year and it hard meeting new people. There are somethings that worked for me...I look outside of my "type". I didn't spend the last year of my life dating a supper nice Mexican-American Black man (the sex was horrible). I thought well that should matter. In the end it DOES matter to me.

I love sex and sometimes seek out relationships that meet my needs. It might be helpful to figure out what your needs are and be honest with yourself.

Do you want a girl to hang out with? Find the kind of girl that also just wants to hang out and watching movies.

Do you want sex? Find a girl to have sex with....easier than you think.

If your time is limited...the internet is the really the jump off for you.

Since you live in Chicago...the south side has plenty of Stepping classes...with plenty of women in them.

I know white folks do this...maybe join a community singles group.

Sometimes it is just timing or maybe someone is already in your life that you are overlooking?

Good Luck,

Sun Aug 06, 05:05:00 PM  

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