My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Hi, I'm Robert M. The M stands for Mediocrity

I've really regressed.

I just really wanted to get that across. Case in point:

Saturday, I was at the crib, realizing that I had did nothing all day after picking up my TB from the dealership(Something with the rear differential, something I didn't have to pay for). Gina called me that day, we talked for a bit (nothing compelling or thought provoking), then she had to go because she was having lunch with her aunt. She said she'll called back. Me not ever being one to wait around, I saw that it was becoming late and I told myself that I was not going to let another Saturday go by the wayside. I was going to get out of the house. I called Chappelle # 2 and we went bowling. We had a great time. I beat her the first game, she beat me the 2nd game. Not wanting to leave it tied, I decided that we should play a rubber match. Of course, I got my ass whipped, and being the competitor that I am, did not take it lightly. LOL. I was ok after a few minutes. After the game, it was late but she was hungry, so always there in the clutch during owl hours was IHOP. My first and last time ordering a steak from there, simply put. But, here's where the night took a turn.....

Before I even went to pick her up, Chappelle # 2 told me that if she was coming back to my house, that we were not going to have sex. Fine, because I was not looking for it. If you all remember, I'm trying to stay away from her on that level. It's not to say that I don't enjoy our sex-capades, but the last time we messed around was a month ago, the time before that was 2 months ago. I know deep down that she wants a relationship, and that's something that I'm not interested in with her. Why? you all know, I'm picky. Don't get me wrong, Chappelle # 2 is pretty "when she wants to be". She has big, medium brown-hued eyes and deep, pretty dimples on her carmel colored face. But ok, have you ever liked someone but it just wasn't "enough" to make them your sig. other? Like on a 10 point scale, and 8 was what the person needed to make it official, its like she gets a 7.4. Just barely under the threshold. Maybe its the smoking, maybe its the sometimes "dirty west side girl" look, maybe its her aloofness that I don't like, or just all of the above. But yet with all of that, I enjoy being with her, to a certain degree....but back to Saturday...

After the bowling, we got into a lil kissing session. And her staring at me all throughout our late night dinner. So on the way back to her crib, I wanted to continue the "playing" so I become a "fresh" boy and place her hand on Lil Rob. She takes it back, and says "Rob, stop playing. I told you that we're not having sex". I respond with "What, are you on your period?", and she says "No, I just don't want to".

For some reason that really set me off.

"Oh so it's only when you want it, huh? Only on your terms? Well if you notice I hadn't even asked for any in months, right?"

She said nothing.

The rest of the car ride went like that. I dropped her off at home, she quickly said "Thank you" and exited my whip.

I set myself up for failure. I was disappointed in myself, and I felt bad afterwards. A nice night marred by me ackin a fool. I'll admit to anyone that I can be an asshole at times. I apologized to her on Monday.

On Sunday, the ex Southern Belle came over, and she really wanted to cook for me. She only cooked one time before, and I guess she wants to get back in my good graces. I'm worried because she's being really nice lately, and we both know that a relationship is absolutely out of the question. We tried for a year and half, and broke up countless times (at least 9 or 10). She's going back to Kentucky to visit her family for a week, so that gives me time to gather my thoughts.

The past weekend left me realizing one thing altogether: I've become complacent again.

Better yet, let me not sugar-coat it. I've gotten LAZY. I mean as in not meeting new people, so I'm relegating myself to women I've been with in the past and leaving me with an empty feeling inside. You can do better, Rob.

So in an effort to improve things, I'm going to attempt a "Mack-o-meter", in short it means that I will attempt to talk to at least one *new* person a week, or until my situation changes. I just feel that I can do better than what I've been doing the past few weeks.

You know what else is funny? The more and more I become "realer" with my blog, the less and less I want to write about it. But that's what blogging is all about right????


Thanks for reading,

Robert Mack


Blogger JoJo D. said...

I can't believe you're not having better luck with the ladies, Rob, seeing as how handsome you are. I'm not flirting, by the way. I believe you'll find your true princess one day. Blogging is therapy - I guess. I blog because I'm bored most of the time. I wish I was rich, because I'd be in a different place every other day instead of sitting here at this computer, waiting.... waiting.... waiting... waiting... for something exciting to happen so I can laugh and blog about it.

Wed Jul 12, 09:57:00 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

About DAMN TIME!!!

*LOL* A@ DIrty West Side Chic...*lol*
I knew you were an asshole, but what man isn't when he can't get laid....

I wanna go bowling...
What was your score?
Which bowling alley yall go to?
I gotta go to one with the right ball for me so I can whup yo ass!!!
Maybe I should invest in my own personal ball with InsanelySane on the side...

(Going to the internet now to search for a ball and price it)

Wed Jul 12, 10:37:00 AM  
Blogger Charles said...

Damn got all these females around you like that? your thing. I don't think it's a good thing to rekindle past relationships, unless there was something really good and solid there that was marred by something uncontrollable. Settle for nothing less than the best. I feel you on that one someone can be there, but just under the threshold. Personally, the smoking thing threw her down to a 5 in my book...unless she's fine as hell. Then she gotta quit...

Wed Jul 12, 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Negro u better take your ass on a date a thon..but make sure u got plenty of dough cuz broads these days like to be it might get a little expensive for you.......

Oh...whenever I come to Chi me,u,Nsane are gonan hafta go bolwing......*WINK*....

Wed Jul 12, 11:59:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

You need to take it back to the basics before you implement your Mack Plan. First, you need to figure out what you are looking for in a woman. What are your dwal breakers? Once you figure that out, then you'll know who and who not to approach every week. If you knew that you wouldn't have never messed with a girl that smells like a basement...LOL!

Wed Jul 12, 02:59:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

A lot of it has to do with me....more than half of the blame in my opinion...I put a lot of focus on Gina, instead of building the roster...she's trying to come back, but I lost that "thing" I had for her.

Sorry, was busy....I'm going to make an effort to blog on either Sunday or Monday nights for now on...first game was like 142, 2nd game was like 90 (BAD), 3rd was like 115 or so....I was doing it the first time thru, talking were at Waveland...I heard it gets crazy in there but when I was there it was cool, and I'm pretty sure they got plain clothes hanging around in case something silly happens..I don't have anything planned this weekend yet.

Charles in Charge
If they aint the females you REALLY want, then it aint a big deal. You probably know that, LOL...yeah C2 just missed the cut, she's the 26th man on the team (baseball jargon, lol) I don't know what's happening with the ex, I messed up when I made the call. I'm just afraid of hurting her feelings you know?

Missy with all the aliases LOL
I know right...speed that sounds like fun right there, me you and nsane...SIGN ME UP!

Wed Jul 12, 03:06:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

True that. Leave it to you to leave a comment like that...Yeah I know what I want, just a matter of going for know....the usual issues...

HEY! The whole basement thing was back in winter with the triple fat goose coat. LOL..why you bringing up old stuff huh....BUT you're right, I can do better. You brought that up to me in your Dynasty way about a month ago, right?

Wed Jul 12, 03:21:00 PM  
Blogger Mr.Slish said...

Boooooooy didn't I tell you to kick it to Dyn Dyn..Have you been to her page and checked out the pics from the vineyard!!!!

Don't force it!!! Bruh. You are not a rich man. Meeting too many women at one time can become costly.Believe me I know..

Keep Gina around just in case she decides she wants to give you more attention. I have a feeling she might.

Rob be more consistent. Thats what women need and want. Don't call them one week and not at all the next.

Let women know what your intentions are from jump. Women place men in categories very quickly. If you come off as a buddy they will treat you that way.

Last thing don't ever lose your cool when a woman refuses to give you the pussy...It will make them feel cheap and used. Be gracious let them know its okay. They'll go home and think about how thoughtful you were about the whole situation and give you the draws without hesitation.

Make women feel safe and comfortable Rob. Ask any woman in a committed relationship what they love about they're boyfriend/husband.First thing they will say is " he makes me feel safe and comfortable " Not sex, or he dresses nice,or he got money. SAFE!!!

Go with these words of wisdom Luke

Remember The force is strong in you.

Wed Jul 12, 04:01:00 PM  
Blogger *snake*bite* said...

Mack, i agree with slish about people in a commited relationship especially women will tell you that the one reason why they like to stay with someone who they have been with for while is because they feel safe, they know that they wont be left and there is someone there for them when they need help and love. They like that feeling!
I know this sounds corny but you need to follow your true heart, but before you can do that, you need to distinguish, what you really want from what you THINK you want. If that makes sense.
Oh and got ur comm on my blog - thanx hun

Thu Jul 13, 05:45:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

Robert: I've been telling you the same thing from jump.

Slish: Check you out...Impressive. Everything you said was right on point. Robert...listen to the man. Losing your cool over sex is very high schoolish...and disappointing.

Thu Jul 13, 08:35:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Slish (and Dynasty)
Why do you think I come by your blog? To get entertained, yeah, but to also learn. Thanks again....I don't think I'm really trying to meet a lot, just a few you know? Something new.
I'm consistently inconsistent. My problem is If I feel like I'm sweating a chick, then I'm done. It may not be the case, but that's just how I feel.
Yeah I lost it there for a minute, a perfect example of why I always say "My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me"......I'm glad that you (and Dynasty) came here and broke it down for me. I was really debating if I wanted to even write about this but like I said, that's what the blog is for, in my opinion. I make mistakes and I try to learn from them....its funny that you always say that the force is in me, because I notice that in myself too, I just don't use it enough.

Nothing corny about following your true heart...and my heart aint really with any of them chicks I mentioned..well I still have "love" for Southern Belle, but not to get into another crazy relationship...

Yep, agree with everything you said. But don't kick me when I'm down (LOL), I already mentioned being disappointed in myself.

Thu Jul 13, 09:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man I 've posted a comment on your blog before...I am the cat up in Deerfield... I feel you and your boys used to call me the chronic regressor..I always could and still can hook up and any time with any of my EX's.. even though most of those bridges I should have poured gas on while walking across.. you are definitely doing the right thing by trying to get out of that rut... DONT BE A CHRONIC REGRESSOR !!! peace from Deerfield IL

Thu Jul 13, 09:52:00 AM  
Anonymous MzNewAgenda said...

All I have to say mack is:

you can't go forward if you are constantly looking back. You guys aren't together for a left for a reason. When you take out the trash, no matter how many times you go through it, it is still trash. Let the garbabge man pick it up and go find a replacement.

Thu Jul 13, 09:59:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Thu Jul 13, 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

robert: I'm not kicking you while you are down. You know my threshold for bs is low. Which is what your excuses are to me. As Anonymous said, "DONT BE A CHRONIC REGRESSOR !!!". If you recognize the problem, fix it. Show some progress on the blog, not the same ole' same ole'...She likes me, but she's not doing what I want so I'm done...then, it's why can't I find a woman. HELLO!!! You feel me?

Has this self-inflicted disappointment motivated some kind of action within yourself? Now that you realize you anger to easily over bullshit are you going to stop? If you realize your choice in women haven't been quality are you going to step it up a notch? I just want to know.

***Disclaimer: Some of you may read this and think I'm being harsh. I agree. Robert has too much potential to sit back and let it become buried underneath excuses and ego. I'm not a Yes Man, so I call it how I see it. Robert knows I'm saying it because I care.***

Thu Jul 13, 10:16:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Anonymous Deerfield bruh
Yep I remember you, what's good? Thanks for the comments. I'm buying a gas can on lunch!
Again, you must play for the Bulls because those are the only brothas I know that hang around Deerfield! LOL

I love the analogy...sometimes you throw garbage away and you think you may have threw away something important. I'm rummaging (LOL)

Momma Dynasty (LOL)
Yes, trust me I know your threshold! That was the point of writing about it in a way, was to get it out in the public so that it will make me change some of my actions. That being said I'm still going to be the same in some of my ways, I just refuse to sweat a chick...maybe I won't throw away the key so fast in the future, that being said, I have to feel comfortable in the way I'm persuing her...
I'm going to improve, you'll see. Or read....

Thu Jul 13, 11:08:00 AM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

Good plan Mr. Mack. I tell my best friend the same thing. Challenge yourself to meet one new person a week and suddenly you have a life, your busy, and even if romance doesnt develop you gain one or two friends you can have dinner with or catch a movie when it's all said and done.

She isn't going to show up on your doorstep...or in your case at work.

Get out there and put your "mack" down!

Thu Jul 13, 03:49:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

See, that's what I'm trying to go for. Thanks again...

Thu Jul 13, 04:39:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

don't become a chronical regressor...take two steps forward rather than 3 steps back

Just think of it as you're not with them for a reason and stick to that

good post by the way

Thu Jul 13, 05:01:00 PM  
Blogger T. Cas said...

Peace, brother! Sounds like a good plan. I would try it out, but I'm a little too anti social for that.

Thu Jul 13, 07:27:00 PM  
Blogger 1InTheSame said...

this is Anonymous in Deerfield again...Just letting you know I started a blog today.. so when you get time stop by and check me out.

Fri Jul 14, 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger Msnhim said...

Old habits are hard to break..... falling back in with old lovers is easy , getting out and meeting new people can be a little nerve racking but it can also be very exciting. Get out there and give in a try! Good Luck

Fri Jul 14, 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

I hear you got me thinking about that Paula Abdul song, well now I;m thinking about the version that Peter from The Family Guy did "We come together/cuz I dressed like a cat" LOL

1 in the same
Looking forward to checking a deerfield bruh (?,LOL) out..'

That's what its all about...gettimg my ass up instead of laying in the crib watching stored showed on my DVR.

Have a great weekend. I'll update on Monday...will attempt to blog 3 or 4 times next week.

Fri Jul 14, 01:08:00 PM  
Blogger The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

yeah do that mack o meter thing...have u a slew of 'em...a busload...

Fri Jul 14, 02:43:00 PM  
Blogger Tenacious said...

LOL I love Family Guy

Sun Jul 16, 11:50:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Well ist Monday and no update!!!!

Mon Jul 17, 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

How the hell did I miss this all this time?

Man, I eats (yeah, I said eats) off regression now that I'm in Satan's Anus. I can't meet new women here. You don't have to do it. Stick to your plan of meeting a new one a week.


Mon Jul 17, 01:20:00 PM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

If I'm not mistaken today is MONDAY!!!

Mon Jul 17, 06:05:00 PM  

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