My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Thursday, July 27, 2006

27 thoughts from a 27 year old on the 27th day of the month.

Random thoughts, a la Missy with the many names...

* I'm 27 years old, yet I still feel like a kid.

* Why does it take me so long to figure things out?

* I think God's intended my life to be the way it is so far. I'm very appreciative of life, and I look forward to what the future may bring.

* People love to talk to me for some reason.

* Why do I love black women so much, and why do I go crazy and have all kinds of dirty thoughts when I see a really fine one.

* Why are some women that I'm fond of are either far away or are going to be moving far away?

* Men, why be gay (I just heard one of the Nsync dudes is) ? So much TNA in the world, what would make you want to lay up with another sweaty hairy dude?

* On second thought, be gay and be proud of it. Leaves more pussy for me.

* Why am I surfing the net for porn, specifically looking for chicks who squirt? (Not now I'm at work, lol)

* Why does receiving head feel so good?

* Why do I want to really "give it" to Chappelle # 2 one more good time?

* Why do I know that I'm a man in demand yet treat myself like a scrub?

* Why do I have so many epiphany's?

* Is epiphany's even a word? Can you use epiphany in a plural sense?

* Why am I such a great kisser, yet find chicks who are not kissers?

* Why couldn't Gina be about 26 or 27 instead of 21?

* Why did I go back and read, from the beginning , the story of Slish and his girl Barneys?

* Why am I always told I look like someone? From Chris Webber to Kevin Garnett to Michael Vick? Or someone's "kin"?

* Why am I so enamored with facial hair and why do I wish to grow more under my chin?

* Why did I glue hair on my chin back in high school to look like I had a goatee (true story)?

* Why do I love being chocolate, after hating it as a child? Thank you Wesley and MJ for bringing us back, and Kanye for the line "I'ma make sure these light skinned Never ever never come back in style"

* Is it really true that dark skinned guys prefer light skin women? Because I luvs me a yellow chick.

* Why did I think that a quality chick would fall right into my lap?

* Why do I not realize that finding a quality chick is similar to a home run hitter? It might take him 100 times, but when he gets one, no one remembers the other 99 times he failed.

* Why do I love attention, yet want to be left alone?

* Why do I anger so easily?

* BONUS THOUGHT : What the hell will I be doing a year from now? Hell a month from now? A week from now?

Damn, I really do feel better after getting that off my chest.

Thanks for reading,

Robert Mack

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Not how I envisioned the Summer so far......

* Let me throw in this disclaimer that I'm not sure what direction I'm going in with today's entry. I'm just writing and hoping that the letters I type in will eventually form clear thoughts from myself for the reading audience. Thank you. *

I remember just two months back how happy I was feeling. I had just recently purchased a truck, I had just begun seeing a beautiful young lady , I had an upcoming play with a prominent role and the future was looking bright. I was telling anyone who would listen that this summer was going to be the best of my life. Now, as I gaze at the calender and see that it is Day 58 (because most people consider the summer as Memorial Day to Labor Day, a span of 99 days) of the warmest time of the year, I don't feel as though I lived it like I wanted. And I'm starting to feel like this is going to be a repeat of the DDD of 2005 (Desert Dick Debacle). But it's not about that, really. I just thought that I was either going to meet a lot of women or at least be on my way to something special with someone. You know how they say that you have to figure something out for yourself? Well I guess I figured it out, somewhat. People have told me all of the time that I'm not going to meet anyone if I don't put myself out there, and I've come up with a multitude of reasons. But after the past weekend of TV watching (alone), It finally hit me that all I do on my time off is stay holed up in the crib.


Well, the main reason is my work schedule. I work 2 jobs 4 days a week. I work from 8am-430pm at one job, and 6-12 midnight at the other. Remember how I was chirping about having the weekends off from my 2nd job? Now it looks as though my other schedule might have been more conducive. Because now I have to work at the 2nd job for 4 days in a row, and with the other schedule I didn't have to work more than 2 days without having a day off in between. So with this new schedule, by the time Fridays at midnight come, I am dog tired. So I spend Saturdays trying to recover from the week. Its like I know that I should "get up, get out and do something", but the feeling of not having any obligations overcome me as well as the amount of TV that I've stored on the DVR, so in the end I look up and its already midnight again and I'm falling asleep. And this cycle repeats on Sunday.

So, it hit me over the weekend. I just can't expect to find the type of chicks that I like to be knocking at my door. I can't blame it on the past. That shit is over. It's not about being shy or not having confidence anymore. It has nothing to do with me not thinking I'm not handsome or nothing, because there are a lot of females that like me (I catch a lot of them staring at me at the 2nd job, lol), its just that I'm going to have to work hard to get what I want. And this is in everyday life as well. I know that I'm going to have to eventually shed about 25 pounds (which I know I can do easily) and work on my pectoral and ab game if I want to put myself in a better position for acting or modeling. So if it means getting off my ass on the weekends, so be it.

So now that I've had yet another epiphany, let see if anything changes.

So here's to the remaining 41 days of the summer.

Thanks for Reading,

Robert Mack

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Tripping out on Testings and Tags

* So I was reading Royce's Daughter's blog a week or 2 back and she got into a debate about STD's and what not. I wanted to mention at the time that I had just recently got tested, but I wanted to wait until "all" of the results came back before I got on any soapbox. It had been a while and I knew I was due for a check up, but working working working day and night (lol) doesn't leave a lot of time, but after sitting behind a CTA bus during traffic with a big advertisement about getting tested made me find the time. I guess them billboards work, lol.

Proud to say that I scored "100" on the test. LOL. Not that I was worried or anything, but knowing (and having proof) means a lot more. So you can add that to the many pluses that are tagged on my list.

Speaking of Tags,

Missy with the Ill Nana tagged me a while back, and I'm just getting around to it. Here goes:

Two Names You Go By:
1. Rob Mack
2. Mack or Mack-nificent (back when I used to want to be a rapper, lol)

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Phat Farm Polo shirt (suprisingly, not Sean John)
2. All White Reebok workout kicks.

Two Things You Would Want in a Relationship:
1. Love
1b. Lots o Lots o sex!
2. Happiness
2b. See 1b.

Two Things You Want Really Badly At This Moment:
1. Bad ass female that adores me. As much as I adore her.
2. Mo' Money, Mo' Money Mo' Money!

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Watching sports
2. Go back to 1b and 2b

Two pets you have had:
1. Gismo the cat
2. Cash Bar the dog (moms came up with both names)

Two people who will fill this out:
1. *SnakeBite*
2. 1 in the same (well I'll attempt to get them to fill out, how's that?)

Two things you did last night
1. Worked at 2nd job
2. Tried to call a friend, but she didn't answer. I left a message.

Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. Baba's Steak and Lemonade
2. Chili's

Two things you ate today:
1. Freeze Pops, like 4 of them
2. Peach Yogurt

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. Southern Belle (was her b-day yesterday)
2. Lil One


I took this tag from Dynasty's blog.

Now & Then

Ten years ago today, it was July 20, 1996.

I was moving from Chicago to Rockford for my senior year of high school. Still to this day, that is one thing in life that I wish I could change. I would have never moved.

1) How old were you?
THEN: 17
NOW: 27

2) Where did you work?
THEN: Working for my uncle at a flea market on Sundays.
NOW: Major computer company and major cable company.

3) Where did you live?
THEN: Chicago, Illinois (moved to Rockford)
NOW: Chicago, Illinois. If I ever move, It would be either Dallas or L.A.

4) How was your hairstyle?
THEN: bald fade, waves on top
NOW: same. fade is always in. Grew a mini-fro with a nappy beard while I was out of work for a few months in 2003.

5) Did you wear contacts?
THEN: Nope
NOW: Nope

6) Did you wear glasses?
NOW: No, but I need some. I'm not blind, but I squint a little at things from far away.

8) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: No Pets
NOW: None. I can barely take care of myself!

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: None
NOW: Nope. Southern Belle was the last.

10) Who was your celebrity crush?

THEN: Back then I had my hot 5 list: Aaliyah, Brandy, Monica, Regan Gomez Preston (Zaria from the Parent'Hood). I added Mya around 98.

NOW: Beyonce, Letoya Luckett (I actually liked her over Beyonce originally when Destiny's Child first came out. Glad to see she's back), Joy Bryant, Zoe Saldana, Ciara, and Jennia Fredrique. Who's the last chick? She's in a lot of commercials, mainly Miller Lite and McDonalds, and she had a recurring role on Passions a few years back. You soap opera heads may remember her. She's from Gary, IN and she went to Columbia College here in Chicago. I tell people that if I ever make it to Hollywood that I would try to get at her, lol. But I hear that she's married to that black dude that be in a lot of commercials. I'm sure yall know him, he always got a wild fro and a beard.
Oh I guess I hate to admit, but I got a crush on Jessica Simpson. I'm not into white chicks at all, but I think she's fine.

11) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 1, in the left ear.
NOW: One in each ear, although I don't wear earrings any more. I grew out of that stage I guess.

12) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: None
NOW: None. I used to want one, but I grew out of that as well.

13) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: This is hard, I can't remember. Probably Notorious B.I.G.
NOW: Jay-Z, Lupe Fiasco

14) Had you smoked a cigarette?
NOW: I don't smoke at all. A black and mild a few times in the past

15) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: Nope
NOW: Gotten tipsy a few times, but never drunk. I'm not a drinker

16) What kind of car did you drive?
THEN: Still ridin' the CTA
NOW: Chevy TB, baby!

17) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?
Naw. I thought I was going to be married at 27. I wish I could go back so I could have worked harder at being either an actor or sports broadcaster or journalist, but oh well....

I apologize if I don't make it to your blog. My job can vary as far as the work from week to week, sometimes from day to day. This is a busy week. But if I find time, I'll try to come by to blog to see what's going on your world.

Thanks again for reading,

Robert Mack

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Collection

Let's start the week out on a light note, (besides nothing happened over the weekend besides me seeing Little Man with Gina.)

Some pics over the past 2 months:

present Mack(me), Macks in training (lil brothers), and old school Mack (pops)

Lil Sis Mack


what's the common denominator?

Me, of course. But what else?

The Sean John polo's. LOL

As I was washing clothes, I realized that I have amassed quite a few of these shirts over the past year or so. How? Why?

Well it started last summer, our manager allowed the entire floor to wear jeans and sneaks for the summer (She has sinced allowed us to wear them all the time, unless a customer is visiting). Which is pretty cool, considering how corporate (white) this major computer company is. But the big boss lady is black, which I love. But anyways, there is always one bad apple out the bunch that messes things up for everyone (n.ggas), and this one ghetto chick started working here and she must've thought because it was casual that meant dress like you're about to go to a house party. She was a big girl that wanted to flaunt her curves (ugh) and the managers took note of that. They continued the casual dress but stressed a few rules, notably for the guys that meant that we had to wear collared shirts. Damn, this ghetto chick (who aint even here no more) effed up my t-shirt game. So I had to figure out a way to stay in the dress code yet feel comfortable, so I bought a Sean John polo shirt. And another. And another. Until I realized I currently have 13 different colors.

Now I don't consider myself a fashion aficionado by no means, but I had to look back the other day like "Ok Rob, I see you with the lil collection". LOL. I even have one of my supervisors, a 60-ish white lady that'll see me and say "Hey is that a new SEAN DON shirt you have on?"

So I guess that I've come to terms that I'm officially trying to collect as many colors and style of the SJ polo that I can. Say what you want about Puffy (I don't care what he calling himself these days he'll always be Puffy), the man created a nice clothing line that''ll probably stay in fashion for years and years.

So Bloggers, I wrote this because I wanted to know does anyone else out there have a particular collection of clothing that you are partial to?

Thanks for Reading,

Robert Mack

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Hi, I'm Robert M. The M stands for Mediocrity

I've really regressed.

I just really wanted to get that across. Case in point:

Saturday, I was at the crib, realizing that I had did nothing all day after picking up my TB from the dealership(Something with the rear differential, something I didn't have to pay for). Gina called me that day, we talked for a bit (nothing compelling or thought provoking), then she had to go because she was having lunch with her aunt. She said she'll called back. Me not ever being one to wait around, I saw that it was becoming late and I told myself that I was not going to let another Saturday go by the wayside. I was going to get out of the house. I called Chappelle # 2 and we went bowling. We had a great time. I beat her the first game, she beat me the 2nd game. Not wanting to leave it tied, I decided that we should play a rubber match. Of course, I got my ass whipped, and being the competitor that I am, did not take it lightly. LOL. I was ok after a few minutes. After the game, it was late but she was hungry, so always there in the clutch during owl hours was IHOP. My first and last time ordering a steak from there, simply put. But, here's where the night took a turn.....

Before I even went to pick her up, Chappelle # 2 told me that if she was coming back to my house, that we were not going to have sex. Fine, because I was not looking for it. If you all remember, I'm trying to stay away from her on that level. It's not to say that I don't enjoy our sex-capades, but the last time we messed around was a month ago, the time before that was 2 months ago. I know deep down that she wants a relationship, and that's something that I'm not interested in with her. Why? you all know, I'm picky. Don't get me wrong, Chappelle # 2 is pretty "when she wants to be". She has big, medium brown-hued eyes and deep, pretty dimples on her carmel colored face. But ok, have you ever liked someone but it just wasn't "enough" to make them your sig. other? Like on a 10 point scale, and 8 was what the person needed to make it official, its like she gets a 7.4. Just barely under the threshold. Maybe its the smoking, maybe its the sometimes "dirty west side girl" look, maybe its her aloofness that I don't like, or just all of the above. But yet with all of that, I enjoy being with her, to a certain degree....but back to Saturday...

After the bowling, we got into a lil kissing session. And her staring at me all throughout our late night dinner. So on the way back to her crib, I wanted to continue the "playing" so I become a "fresh" boy and place her hand on Lil Rob. She takes it back, and says "Rob, stop playing. I told you that we're not having sex". I respond with "What, are you on your period?", and she says "No, I just don't want to".

For some reason that really set me off.

"Oh so it's only when you want it, huh? Only on your terms? Well if you notice I hadn't even asked for any in months, right?"

She said nothing.

The rest of the car ride went like that. I dropped her off at home, she quickly said "Thank you" and exited my whip.

I set myself up for failure. I was disappointed in myself, and I felt bad afterwards. A nice night marred by me ackin a fool. I'll admit to anyone that I can be an asshole at times. I apologized to her on Monday.

On Sunday, the ex Southern Belle came over, and she really wanted to cook for me. She only cooked one time before, and I guess she wants to get back in my good graces. I'm worried because she's being really nice lately, and we both know that a relationship is absolutely out of the question. We tried for a year and half, and broke up countless times (at least 9 or 10). She's going back to Kentucky to visit her family for a week, so that gives me time to gather my thoughts.

The past weekend left me realizing one thing altogether: I've become complacent again.

Better yet, let me not sugar-coat it. I've gotten LAZY. I mean as in not meeting new people, so I'm relegating myself to women I've been with in the past and leaving me with an empty feeling inside. You can do better, Rob.

So in an effort to improve things, I'm going to attempt a "Mack-o-meter", in short it means that I will attempt to talk to at least one *new* person a week, or until my situation changes. I just feel that I can do better than what I've been doing the past few weeks.

You know what else is funny? The more and more I become "realer" with my blog, the less and less I want to write about it. But that's what blogging is all about right????


Thanks for reading,

Robert Mack

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Get over it! The Robert Mack Edition

This was something I wanted to get into a week or so ago, but just finally got around to it.

Many props to Nikki as well as T. Cas for this debate. I was going to call it The Great Straight Debate, but since it was called Get It Over It, I just decided to piggyback off of that.

Last week, I started to notice that a lot of blogs that I frequent are also visited by T. Cas, so I decided to check the boy out to see what he talks about. I then come across his entry called "No You Get Over It" which is a rebuttal to Nikki's entry titled "Get Over It" . The subject of these entries are based around that fact that many male bloggers do not post on each others sites. Nikki was saying that males don't respond on each other sites because it would be deemed as "dick riding" or being gay. As well as (my favorite) a "competitive" gene in men to see how many women can he get his on blog, which in turns means that he don't want any other man to take part in or "steal" his females followers from his blog to the other man's blog.

In my opinion, this is one of the best blog debates I've seen and it really struck a chord with me.

Some of T. Cas' responses were very thought provoking and somewhat valid. He pointed to the fact that some male bloggers are gay. Of course if you all remember my blog entry from back in March about the "Indecent Proposal" from a gay dude, then you know I'm an admitted homophobe. I try to stay away from anything that might even be construed as a lil "sweet". That being said, I haven't come across any gay bloggers, unless they lurk (like Freaky Deaky says) and don't comment, or they masquerade as females in the blogosphere.

He also talked about how some male bloggers "dick brag". LOL. Which brings me to why I started blogging in the first place. One of my guys, well actually My cuz Smooth's guy down in Dallas named J-Mack (no relation) put me up on this guy named Serial Dater. I checked out his blog and I thought his writing style was dope, and he was talking about women (my favorite subject) so with me being stuck in the corporate world for 8 hrs a day (14 now with 2 jobs), his blog gave me some refuge from it all. I didn't comment at first but I would look at all of the other people that did comment. (Sidenote: I used to see Nsane Lee Sane there and I would go by her page and I noticed she was from Chicago like me, and It took me a minute to get some courage to finally comment. Crazy, huh? Now she comments on my blog all of the time.) I think SD mentioned Knockout Zed in one of his entries so I decided to check him out (this was back when Zed had the gyros fast food cup as his background, LOL). Zed talked about women, BUT he also talked about everyday life as well. His relationship with his lady friend at the time he eloquently named Batshit was quite compelling, even to the point where I was a little disappointed if he didn't mention her. Some of the issues that Zed would talk about when it came to women sounded like some of same things I was going thru, not to mention that Zed has major skills with the keyboard (storytelling) so it hyped me up. I told myself, "Hey I got some stories to tell too. My life don't involve too much drama but I have issues with the opposite sex that I need to get out there to see if I'm on an island." I then checked out Mr. Slish's blog, and he told the story about how him and Mr. Venom became friends. It involved a woman, sorta (LOL). Now yes, I am more inclined to check out a male bloggers page if he's talking about women, but I'm a sex-crazed man that loves black women, what do you expect?

So does Robert Mack dick brag? Well......hmm........I don't think I do.......I don't purposely blog to talk about some chick I hit last night because that's not what I'm about. In actuality, I'm looking for a girl to be my "woman". Just finding one is the problem, I'm partly to blame for that. I'm extremely picky. I don't go out enough to see women. My girl Dynasty told me that sometimes when I talk about a female that it seems as though I'm only concerned with how long it takes before I bag that. That's not necessarily the case. Of course I'm not trying to take the girl out just to become "like her brother" (fellas , how many time have you heard those 3 words uttered?) but I'm not saying that I need to know right away if I can hit, I just want to know "if there is that possibility". Throw me some hints, you know?

But I'm digressing.

I've talked about all issues, from females that I like and vise-versa, having to go to court, and being in plays, and even rapping about being happy over taking my little brother to a Bulls game. Over the past week I just told a true "spill guts" story about my first girlfriend that I would love to be with if possible. So I'm not afraid to put myself out there, even if it doesn't make me look like a "Mack" or "Playa" or whatever. If I had a girlfriend I would cut off all of other "friends" that I mention here.

So the bottom line is, if you're a guy that's speaking on issues and concerns with women, stop by my blog and say "what up". I'll come by to peruse your world as well.

Truthfully, I made my blog hoping that the fellas out there would read it and relate to me. It just so happens that my following has more females, but the blogworld has more females in it, apparently. Which is just fine with me. Rob loves the ladies. (LOL)

Yeah I'll admit I don't openly seek out other guys' blogs. Why is that? I think its because I do get busy at work, and my blog roll has increased a lot, which means less work. But again, let it be known that any homeboy that comes by the blog to leave a comment, I will definitely check out theirs if they have one. Some guys have blogs that I don't feel a need to comment on, but that's not to say I'm not feeling it. Sometimes I have to get recommended to read someone's blog. Like for instance, I would see the boy Charles on a few people's pages and I thought about checking him out, but never did. Then someone told me to go take a glance at it, that he's a intuitive brotha and so I finally went by, and come to find out we're very similar in thought. See how easy and simple that was.

So in no particular order, these are the brotha's that I check out on the regular.

Knockout Zed - The "munkee"(LOL) that blogs daily, whether its to talk about Carmel or why he hates living in Satan's anus. His blog for the day could be a 4-line paragraph, or it could be a 1000 word essay. You just gotta check him out to see. I only hope to have a following like his.

Serial Dater - Talks about dating, rather candidly, after his divorce. Excellent writer. Paints a picture like a radio play-by-play broadcaster.

Slish - He's all in love now (BOOO!!!! - just kidding) but still hits you off with some great stories of the past.
In fact, his story about his childhood girlfriend compelled me to write about mine.

Venom - One of Slish's boys; is also a great writer WHEN HE DECIDES TO WRITE. Venom writes about as often as an oil change - every 3 months. LOL. Not that bad, but you get what I'm saying.

Charles - I call him a younger version of me (poor kid, lol). He's trying to find his niche in the world as he going thru school. Crazy skills on a pallet (means he can draw). Always insightful. Looking for some "good" females out in VA.

Others receiving votes (those that are into college sports understand what I mean by that.)
T-Cas, Big Daddy Kane (new cats I just checked out), Freaky Deaky, Amadeo, Sarccastik. That's just off the top of the dome, I'm sure there may be others but I'm extremely forgetful.

Damn, I hope these dudes don't think I'm dick-riding. LOL.

Thanks again for Reading,

The Puffy-chested (because of the fellas, lol) Robert Mack