My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Friday, June 30, 2006

*Public Places Part 3*

First off, I would like to say thank you to all who have followed the story, as I've dragged it out for a week. I had other things to talk about as well as being tagged, so I wanted to handle those options first before going back to this.

Again, for those who would like to read part 1, click here.
those wishing to read part 2, click here.

After I moved to Rockford in 1996, I figured I would never see Hazel Eyes again, unless it was at some 10 year reunion or something. Around 98, I visit Chicago to hang out with my boys I hadn't seen in a couple of years. I get word that my boy Blueprint kept in touch with Hazel Eyes, as a matter of fact they went to each other's proms and they began dating. Did I care? No, not really. It was just kind of weird that my best friend was dating my former girl. Truthfully all of my friends liked her, I was just the one that got her, at least originally. Well Blueprint and Hazel Eyes dated for about a year and a half, and then they broke up. My boy didn't take it too well, so they didn't speak for a couple of years until she called him. At this point they both moved on and began having a "best friend" type of relationship. No more feelings, not even underlying, just friends. Fast forward to 2003.

Blueprint was at my crib, telling me about one of our friends getting married in a few weeks. He was on the phone with Hazel Eyes, as she was going to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. "I'm on the phone with Hazel Eyes right now, you want to talk to her?" Of course, its been like 7 years. So after getting past all of the past, present, and future talk, I ask if I could see her. She was down.

I was looking for my best gear, made sure the hair the faded, and headed to her crib. Damn I'm nervous. It's been 7 years. I wonder if she's fat? I wonder if she is going to look the same? I wonder what she's going to think of me? I pulled up to her crib, and I seen someone outside. Ugh, I hope it ain't her. "You here for Hazel Eyes right? I'll tell her to come out" says her cousin. Whew...

So after waiting a minute of two, and getting sniffed by the dog, she comes out. I swear it felt like 1995 again. She was just as beautiful as ever. Still had those beautiful eyes, and immediately (cuz I'm a guy, lol) I notice THOSE. When we were teenagers, she was tiny, but the over the years she grew into a woman. A perfect combo of TNA. She had breasts, looking just as perky and supple, I think they even winked at me. "Are you going to give me a hug?" she says. HELL Yeah, I'm thinking.

We talk on the porch for a little bit, then she decides that she wants to go out. I suggested that we go down to Navy Pier, and she quickly agreed. Blueprint already informed me that she had a boyfriend for the past few years, but he was living in Florida. I tried to stay off of all topics where he might come up. We get to Navy Pier, and its closed for the night. But since the pier is right off of the lake, I just told her that we should walk alongside the lake to continue our outing. We talked for a long time about things. We were on that lake for a few hours, just talking and reminiscing about the past. It was great. She gave me this feeling that she was just as happy to be with me as I was with her. But time eventually got in the way, and I dropped her back off at home. Why did she have to have a boyfriend, I thought. But oh well, I'll enjoy this "friendship" for what its worth.

We continued to talk for a few weeks, leading up to the wedding. The night before the wedding we were going to go to the movies to see Freddy vs Jason. I called her to confirm the time, but she didn't answer. My impatient ass called another chick that I was interested in and went with her. Hazel Eyes called me back, but I already was on the way to the movies with this other chick. I didn't think it was a big deal. The next day at the wedding, she was little ruffled. "You blew me off!" I felt bad. If I would have just waited like 30 minutes, I could have went to the movies with her. I tried to downplay it, telling her I would make it up to her. That's when I figured out that she still liked me, after all these years.

At the reception, the seating arrangement gods played a joke on me by sitting me one table over from Hazel Eyes' father, The Rev. You want to talk about avoiding eye contact! I think the back of our chairs touched, and he said "I'm sorry". I barely looked up and said "Don't worry about it". I didn't want him to see me. Hazel Eyes had her phone with her and sent me a text message "You know that you're sitting by my father." I replied back with "Yes, and I'm having flashbacks!" I also asked if I could make it up to her by taking her out that night, and she agreed. We went to ESPN Zone. We had a ball, playing games, talking shit, and sipping on a few drinks. Nothing major, but remember I'm not a drinker by no means.

I had a great time, and I didn't want the night to be over yet. I drove back to my crib, hoping she would come in for a little while and not asked to be dropped off at her car. She did in fact, come in. We watched TV for a while, and she layed her head in my lap. Why did she do that? Lil Rob Mack wakes up. And fellas know that when you try to prevent yourself from staying hard, it actually makes you stay hard. I was hoping that she didn't feel it. Well I did, but I didn't. LOL. She eventually layed the other way, dozing off. Again, she was beautiful, and had on an outfit that complemented her body, and I couldn't take it anymore. I had to go for mine. I wasn't going to wake up the next day thinking "what if", so I went for it. I began to kiss her. I was expecting her to tell me to stop, but she didn't. I figure that this would be a one time deal, so I wanted to show her that I wasn't 15 anymore but 24 (LOL still young but knew a few things). I kissed every part of her body, and she loved it. She gave me some wonderful head. We had sex right there on my couch.

So things are good, right? Nope. Remember those text messages? Well her boyfriend figured out some way of having her messages sent to his phone. She should have been more careful, seeing as though they were on the same account. But alas, he found out, they had a falling out but remained together. Why? I'm still trying to figure that out. Me and Hazel Eyes proceeded to have this fling for the next 2 years, with some gaps in between when I started dating my ex Southern Belle. Was it wrong? Yes it was. But I was still in love with Hazel Eyes and I loved every minute we were together. But once I started dating SB, I knew I had to end communication with Hazel Eyes because I was starting out my own thing and I didn't want to mess that up. The first time me and SB had our first break up, I called Hazel Eyes. We went out, had a great time, and had sex. Just like that. Me and SB got back together, but I still kept in contact with Hazel Eyes. She told me that we needed to stop whatever it was we were doing because she was falling for me. It was hard, but I agreed, somewhat.

Around May of last year, Blueprint announced that he was getting married, this was on a Friday night. Saturday morning, I get a call from Hazel Eyes. "You know that your boy is getting married?" I say "Yeah he told me last night." "Hmm...ok bye". Hazel Eyes was mad, but why was she mad at me? I hope she didn't expect me to tell her the news, because her and Blueprint were probably closer than me and him were. I wanted her to hear the news from him. But she was not happy with me withholding the info so she stopped talking to me. I called her around Christmas to make sure things were ok, and we talked for about 10 minutes before I had to head into my 2nd job. I didn't ask for any explanation of why we didn't speak for 6 months.

Now its June of this year, 6 months later after our last conversation (over a year since we've seen each other). I invited her to my play. Why? Because when I used to doubt myself, with looks or overall life (My greatest enemy is my inner me), she always pushed me to think the opposite, so I wanted to thank her and I wanted her to see me doing what I want to do. She was happy that I invited her. She came but didn't stay afterwards. At first I thought she didn't come, but she left me a text message saying that she was proud of me. I called her right back, asking why she didn't stay. "I didn't know you wanted me to, I'm sorry. But what are you doing now? I'm at my cousins house. We can kick it now". I wasn't doing anything that night, but even if I did, I probably would have cancelled those plans to see her. I went over to her cousins house, see her for the first time in a year, and she's still beautiful and thick as ever. We eventually get on the topic of why we stop talking the last time. She confesses that she was looking for a reason to get mad at me, because she was developing some serious feelings although she was still trying to work things out with her boyfriend, which she has finally broken up with for good. She has a *new* boyfriend, but I noticed that she didn't talk very glowing of him. I told her that she was only with him because her parents approved of him, and she just smiled. I must've opened up her mental floodgates."Damn, you know me".

So you ask why we aren't together? Her father , The Rev, still holds me accountable of his daughter losing her "innocence". Truss, it was lost way before me, he just didn't find out until our relationship, and for the record she was the one who had me doing "things". But still, she thinks that he would never approve, and I don't want to stir up the past. Blueprint suggested I go to the church to talk to him, but I never have. So it remains the way it is.

The man in me wanted to see if I still had it, so I kissed her. She kissed back, very passionately. Then she stopped and said "Rob I can't do this, I got a boyfriend now". I said ok. I then ask for some head (oh boy). She rubbed on Lil Rob Mack, thought about it, and said "No I can't." We then leave her cousins house, and she tells me "Ok, I obviously can't trust myself around you, so we can only meet in PUBLIC PLACES ONLY."

Now you all get it ?

So what happens now? I get married, she gets married, we move on, we live happily ever after....... But why do I continue to think about her? Maybe it has to do with her being my "first", maybe it has to do with her having a lot of the qualities I look for in a woman, maybe it has to do with her being so beautiful, maybe all 3 of those. If I can find someone who possesses those key ingredients, I would probably feel the same way about them.

I really hope you all enjoyed, leave any thoughts you may have, because this honestly took a lot out of me to write.

Thanks for reading,
The Divulging Robert Mack


Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Damn African! Finally!

Public places, hunh? I just read your meme. That shit won't stop nothin'.

Take her to a parking garage and let her have it.

Great story.


Fri Jun 30, 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger Nika Laqui said...

That was a beautiful story...too bad yall can't be together...

Fri Jun 30, 12:40:00 PM  
Anonymous MzNewAgenda said...

Wow know it's because you have her stuck in a moment in time...and I'm sure she is a very different person now....but don't keep measuring every woman you meet against the "Hazeled eyed measuring stick". She will never measure up and you will be disappointed. If you never close that know you won't be able to move on right? Why not? Because you will forever keep your foot in the door~just in case she comes back.

Fri Jun 30, 01:59:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Thanks. I ain't never thought about that...I'm sure it could jigga say "turn my automobile to a hotel on wheels"

Yeah, but its ok, there's plenty of fish in the sea. or harbor.

Yeah that's one of my problems. I do a lot of comparing, I was just mentioning that on someone else's blog. I guess I'm hoping that someone comes along that has the same if not more of the things I'm looking for. I know there is plenty out there. That what the summer is for. I'm on the hunt....its hard to close a book when it seems like every time you read it, you learn something new. lol. get it?

Fri Jun 30, 02:25:00 PM  
Blogger Starr said...

If it's meant to be...It will be. I do believe everyone comes into someones life for a reason, We don't choose who we meet, God Matches us with our mates, and that is something that even the good Rev Can't stop.

this story was very touching...

Do you believe in soulmates?

Fri Jun 30, 08:43:00 PM  
Blogger Phoenix said...


Sat Jul 01, 06:44:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Mack, I think that you continue to think about her because of two of the reasons you mentioned...1. She is beautiful. 2. She was your first. As far as qualities are concerned she may have some good qualities that you look for in a woman.... but I think that you can do a little better. Although this is my first time visiting here....(I've just been put on to blogging)... YOu seem like a great guy. YOu deserve better. Do you really want someone who cheats on her man? That's what she has done many times. Do you think that if she were with you that she wouldn't do the same?

Sun Jul 02, 09:54:00 AM  
Blogger Royce's Daughter said...

I don't understand why two grown azz people can't just follow their hearts..her Daddy may not approve at first but she/nor you can live for her Daddy (and this is coming from a Daddy's girl). I think you need to man up and go holla at the Rev. If you guys don't try you'll always wonder "what if" This girl might be your Brown betta go get her Humphrey! Don't let her get on the plane with the corney dude!! YOU WILL REGRET IT LATER...

Mon Jul 03, 05:14:00 PM  
Blogger Miz JJ said...

Great story. You and Hazel have a definite connection, however that doesn't always mean you're meant to be.

Tue Jul 04, 03:45:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Man back from a long weekend...enjoyed it....

Why did God make me so picky then? LOL...which is actually just fine in my opinion. I think I believe in soul mates. Notice I said I think.

You like? 100% true...everything on my blog is..well 99% the 1 being names.

Hey. Come by more often. and leave a name so I can know what to call you...I've actually thought about that, you know the whole Ginuwine song "What's so different", but I guess my ego tells me that once I got her she wouldn't feel the need to be with no one else. Not even in a slip up because I'll give her everything she needs. That being said I do think about that. Again, thanks for coming by.

Royce's Daughter
Yeah but you know how it is, you want your father's blessing and all that..especially with him being a Rev and what not..Brown Sugar huh? And dude is kinda corny too, from the way she explained. But we'll see what happens.

Miz JJ
Hey you! The connection is something else, but I'll just take it day by day...I'm not going to force the issue you know?

Wed Jul 05, 09:45:00 AM  
Blogger JoJo D. said...

You messed up a perfectly tender moment when you asked her for some head as a send-off. You need a spanking for that, young man, LOL!

But none the less, it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Or some 'ol corny bullshit like that...

Sweet story.

Wed Jul 05, 02:22:00 PM  
Blogger thee modern isis said...

I loved the saga. Maybe somewhere down the line things would will work out. lol I don't know why but I'm picturing her standing at an alter with the dude and you running in right when the minister says," speak now or forever hold you peace." Then you step up and yell STOP! Marry me and she runs off with you.

Ok.. Ok.. a little drastic I know.

Wed Jul 05, 02:59:00 PM  
Blogger Honey-Libra said...

Decided to check you out after you checked me out...very, very interesting. I look forward to seeing you on the Maury episode where they bring out long lost loves....

Wed Jul 05, 03:34:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Yeah I know, but remember I've been deprived of some good head. And she's a pro. And she was close. Real close.

The Modern Isis
What's going on? Thanks for coming by? First time here? In any event, be honest I actually told her I was going to do that, like that episode of A Different World when Dwayne crashed Whitley's wedding...and what happened? She married him. Only on TV, right?

Thanks for coming by. Naw I doubt if it get to the Maury's...although to be really really honest I have thought in the past of getting her pregnant because I knew that we would get married then. But that was just a mere thought, never more than that.

Wed Jul 05, 04:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Tiger said...

Wow cousin that was a long story. I want to see a pic of her.

Wed Jul 05, 07:58:00 PM  
Blogger *snake*bite* said...

Boy that is some messed up shyt.
It is a shame that you can't have your hearts desire but sometimes it is said the grass always seems greener on the other side except when you get there it is brown. So maybe your relationship with her has climaxed, but who knows maybe in the future when you have both had many more conquests you will meet up two different people and be absolutely perfect. I hope all that makes sense. Love the blog (1st time reading yours, found it through the gorg venom!) Hope to see more blog soon. Take care xxS*Bxx

Thu Jul 06, 08:56:00 AM  
Blogger LUVIN ME said...

Oh my...that was long but well worth the read.

I know it took a lot to write that...

Thu Jul 06, 01:13:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

Was it that long? My bad....I got a pic of her, I used to carry around with me for a minute.

Yeah, maybe that is the case. Especially because now I know she has to make herself ignore me. I don't know. I do know that she could've been married by now, to some dude who's making nice legal bank too. But she didn't do it.

Luvin Me
Hey You!!!!!!!! Thanks for coming by, when I was getting to the end their and writing it, I was like "damn do I really want to write this", but why not?

Thu Jul 06, 04:29:00 PM  
Blogger *snake*bite* said...

Well babe all i can say is there is always hope, but don't let that hope drag you back from your search for someone just as good or even better. Surely you want someone who wants you and only you.
Take care

Fri Jul 07, 07:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well if she is willing to cheat on her dudes like that, then most likely someone els on the other side is in your same shoes, getting the same results.

Just a woman, not worth it!

Fri Jan 19, 03:32:00 PM  

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