My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Friday, May 26, 2006

26 years and 365 days............

Alright so this is the last day I'll be 26 forever....the year went by very quickly. It seems like just a few months ago I was in Dallas chillin with Smooth, Tiger, and his D-town peeps.....I was tipsy off of Hypnotiq and Sprite (something I hate to admit on my blog, but hey I'm not a drinker) and my cousins tell me I was going around asking "who wanted to fuck".....LOL.........

But back to 2006........I'm still fighting with myself, still trying to find my niche in life, still trying to be comfortable in my own skin, still trying to "find myself"........I guess what I would like to know from the masses is, is anyone else going thru this same predicament I'm in? I'm trying to tell myself to live a little more, especially with me getting older, instead of being confined to the crib watching sports all day. But let me tell yall, its hard as FUCK. I'm an excuse-maker. Always looking for reasons NOT to do something. My biggest excuse was working Saturday nights at my second job, but that ends after June 3rd. So with the summer coming up, I'm going to try to open up more.

So below is me writing a letter to myself for the past and the future.

To Robert Mack age 26: You sat around feeling sorry for yourself at times, hooked up with some chicks that angered you to the point where you changed your whole demeanor, but one of the best decisions you made was picking up a second job because you were tired of being broke. You almost quit after a few months because you felt that the life that you didn't have to begin with was even less, but you stuck thru and bought you another truck, not to mention that you found time to do a couple of plays, which renewed your love for acting.

And to Robert Mack, age 27: I hope you understand that your future is NOW, its "Put up or Shut Up Time". Don't let nobody hold you down, but most importantly, don't hold YOURSELF down. Get out in the world, young man. You got the truck that you worked your ass off for, nice looks (LOL), own crib, in a city full of fine ass black women....get ur done...FUCK what anybody has to say about you and how you go about your business......

Easier said than done.

And I still don't know what I'm doing tomorrow, but I really want to check out a brazillian steakhouse.

Thanks again everybody for reading, and have a happy and safe Memorial Day Weekend,

Robert Mack

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Here we go again.......

As I gaze at the calendar, I see that it is May 24th. 3 days until my birthday.

BUT, the date that stands out to me currently is May 17th, which is the last time I updated my blog. Why? Because that's how I am, unfortunately. Very wishy-washy. One minute, I love blogging and I think of things to possibly talk about with the masses, and the next minute I have no interest and I'm ready to "fade into Bolivian" (LOL if anyone knows where I get that from). I will TRY to improve. I'm a classic Gemini, what can I say?

So here's a couple of things on my mind.

* I'm feeling proud of myself (LOL) because I bought a keyless entry remote off of ebay for like 99 cent and programmed it myself. If I would have went to the dealership to get a remote and get it programmed, it would have been around 50. Resourceful. Or as some people might call me in a subtle way, "cheap" (*wink*).

* Speaking of cheap, remember those rappers the Sporty Thievz? They made the song Cheapskate (You aint gettin nada....from us) and they did "No Pigeons", which was the answer to TLC's "No Scrubs".....Well I've been bumpin their 1 and only album lately in the whip called Street Cinema, which came out in 1999. They were a really tight group, unfortunately one of the rappers named Marlon Brando was killed in an auto accident, so I'm assuming that the other 2 quit rapping after their boy died. I liked them because every song on the album was telling some kind of story, and the songs didn't talk about ice and cars, well except for what the females WASN't gettin' outta them. If they would have stuck with it, they could have been mainstays in my opinion.

* Me and Chappelle # 2 haven't had too many words over the last few weeks. She asked me last week if I needed any help with any of my accounts, but I was cool. Professionally, we'll always assist with one another. That will never be a problem. But personally, I think, well I know , that I'm trying to distance myself from her. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't like her for more than a few "encounters" in the past. She pisses me off with her lack of communication, so in turn I guess you can say I turn off all communication. Because my feeling is, if she wants to talk, she knows how to open her mouth, like the one time nearly two months ago (literally AND figuratively). I think what cooled me off on her was when she didn't call me to let me know that she wasn't coming to play, and she gave me a lame excuse in my opinion. If you can't make it, fine, but just let me know either way. A call to my phone takes about 15 seconds. But the main thing is, I'm just distancing myself........

* My cuz Smooth is not coming into town, and that sorta popped my enthusiam balloon. But I'll be aiight, gotta keep the show going! Tiger and her boyfriend are down to do something, but the thing is, I really don't want to do much. I'm not a clubber, but I'll go if Smooth is in tow. I was thinking of going to a Cubs game Saturday, and just going out to eat that night and chillin at the crib watching a movie with a special lady....but I don't one of those yet.....
Gina, the chick I talked about in the last story, would like to hang out on Saturday but I'm undecided......I might just post up at a bar by my lonesome and call it a night.

I'll promise to be back by Friday. That's a Robert Mack seal of approval. Besides I had to blog today because I'm sure yall tired of seeing my black cheesin' ass with my yellow ass Sean John shirt on...LOL!

Thanks for Reading,

Robert Mack

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Coming outta Hiding

I'm having such a good week that I decided to put a face to all of the talk. This is me with my grandmother on Mothers Day this past Sunday. I'm sure someone who sees this is going to say they know me from somewhere, but I'm 99% sure that you've never met me and I've never met you. I guess I just got one of those faces. (Yeah you want to click on it to get the full view, LOL!!!!!! Just playin')

The picture was taking by my father. I lived with him from the time I was 13 to about 20. We never really had a close relationship In my opinion, but as I've gotten older, we've made great strides. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I am so similar to him, so I want to learn more and more about him to know what to look out for in myself. And also because he knows that I haven't succumbed to the negativity of other black men my age. I'll be 27 in about a week, and I don't have any baby mama's and I've never been arrested and I lived on my own since 21, and I'm trying to do something positive in my life. He even called me on Tuesday to tell me he was proud of me. I was shocked. He has a much better relationship with my 2 little brothers, so I am sure that when they become teenagers he will deal with them much better than he dealt with me.

Aiight I'm off the sappy stuff now!

Yep it's official. I told yall I was going to be cheesin' on my license! I'm good thru 5/27/09. I was able to keep my old ID's from when I had just turned 21. I looked at my old pic, looking innocent with my peanut head (because its rounded out now as I've gotten older, lol) and I said to it "Boy if I could go back in time and tell you some things to look out for!!!!"

I'm already starting to build the roster for the "summer league" team. I still got an open invitation for the young girl "Miss Green" that I mentioned in the past, but now I even got a potential starter. Potential, keep that in mind. Her name is Gina, and it's pretty fitting because she sorta resembles Tisha Campbell aka Gina from Martin. As a matter of fact, homegirl is so light that I wasn't sure if she was black, I thought she might have been Puerto Rican. But her name didn't seem spanish, so when we talked on the phone the other night, I was like "forgive me, but I'm certain that your black, just light skin." She replies "Yeah, I'm Black, dominican and haitian." She's 21, with no kids, and she's a junior in college.



Um, yeah. Definitely a potential starter. We'll see what happens.

Thanks to all that came by to congratulate me on the new car. All I want to do now is get some Xenon HID lights, I think that those look so dope on cars. I don't even care about rims, I'm not a flashy person.

As always, thanks for reading up on the boy,

The freshly LEGAL (with the state of Illinois) Robert Mack

Monday, May 15, 2006


Yep, that's me.

To be truthful, I've had it since last Wednesday (The boy can hold water, can't he?). But I wanted to be sure all of the paperwork went thru before I started gettin' all on my blog gloatin'. When I went to the dealership, I was looking at a particular truck, a 2003 blue TB. The salesman looked for it everywhere, but could not find it. After looking for it a few more minutes, the salesman drives up in the TB pictured above. "Whoa" , I thought. This was the LTZ model, the top of the line TB. With the fog lights, leather, running boards, and more (And I never realized how "naked" an SUV looks without running boards, which are those platforms that people use to step into the truck for those that don't know.)

I don't think I can get financed for that. But damn it looks nice.

I drove it around, it didn't feel like I was driving. It felt like I was glidin'. I was looking at the speedometer like "Damn, am I really going 70?" In Dora (my now former Explorer), it took me about 30 seconds to get it up to 60, along with some shaking. But the TB? Just Smooth......(like my cuz, LOL)

Salesman: So do you like it?

RM: Yeah, its aiight (but In my mind I was like "Hell Yeah").

Salesman: Well let's see what we can do.....

So you all know how that goes, back and forth, trying to set a price and payments blah blah blah, but after a few minutes it was done! Payments are a little higher than what I would have liked, but I really got what I wanted, and I plan on paying a lot more than the regular note so I can pay it off sooner. I wanted a black one, and I got a black one. And its got all of the options that I thought I wasn't going to get. And I still don't have my license. But as I'm writing this, I just called the Courthouse and my records have been updated so as soon as I'm done blogging, I'm off to get my license.

I feel vindicated with all of the working I've been doing in the last 8 months. I was ready to quit a few months back because I felt like I didn't have a life, every weekend people would ask what did I do and all I would say was "Well I worked and rested". But getting this truck makes me feel great because I worked my ass off and did it all on my own and no one can take that away from me. But now, I must continue working. I can't stop now. I'm not an award winning actor yet, so it's still 9 to 5 and 10 to 6 to survive.

So Now that I got the whip, the only thing missing is a misses....

Time to build the roster up. Just in time for the summer.

Let the games begin!!!!!

* Oh and I cannot go any further without congratulating my cousin Tiger. She graduated from Illinois State University over weekend, and I'm very proud of her. I couldn't make it to the graduation because I had to work (as usual), but she's having a lil party next weekend and I plan on stopping by. See ya Saturday Tiger *

Thanks for Reading,

Robert Mack

Friday, May 12, 2006

Now YOU ALL have to play THE WAITING GAME....

I got some news to tell. But it will not be until Sunday night, when I am in the confinement of my crib. Translation: I'm at work and I got "work" to do, and I don't have time to get everything out at this time. But I'll give a hint: Not having my license renewed quite yet won't hinder me from what I want.

Come back early Monday morning.

Thanks again as always for Reading up on me,

Robert Mack

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Waiting Game.......

You all see that image to the left here? Its an Illinois' Drivers License. (LOL) I want one. I want one right now! But I have to wait, hopefully just a few more days. I have to wait until Will County updates their records to show that my cases from last week are paid and settled. My license expired last year and I couldn't get it renewed because of those unsettled tickets from 6 years ago. Well thats all settled. Thankfully, its just expired and not suspended. But I need to get it renewed by my B-day (5-27) or else I would have to take the written and driving exam again. I still remember the day I went to take my driving test. It was just a few weeks past my 17th birthday. I was extremely nervous because I heard that them DMV people didn't play and would make you come back 2, even 3 times! I did good but I messed up while doing a reverse turn and the instructor was like "What are you doing???" I thought he was going to fail me, but I passed on my first try. I still wish I had that original license. That was back when Illinois still did the laminated paper version with the Abe Lincoln holograph in the middle. They say guys don't smile on their license to try to look tough, well eff that! I had the kool-aid grin going back in 96 and you can bet when I get it renewed this time I'll be cheesin' from ear to ear as well.

Oh the play? It went well. It would have been nicer if more people came, but oh well, I wasn't a main character. Chappelle # 1 was supposed to come, but "was in church all day and was so tired that she needed to get some rest". Was I mad or disappointed she didn't come? Naw, not really, maybe a smidge. But she ain't gotta know that. I'll let her think I'm mad for a few days so she can think of some way to make it up (LOL). People tell me I did a nice job, I would like to see the tape to concur. The Co-director has her own play in about a month, and I'm the understudy for the main character. Is that wrong of me to hope that one of these main characters get sick or fall off of the face of the earth so I can come in and take over? This play is about this guy who thinks he's a playa and comes up with a fool proof way of getting what he want out of females and avoids any kind of emotional bind. But his life takes a turn when his previous girlfriend comes back into his life with a surprise. The character that I'm an understudy for is a guy named Jason, who is an educated black man but is getting played for a fool by his gold-digging girlfriend. There's one guy who dating an older chick, and another who has a girlfriend but also has an overbearing mother that will not stay out of his life. I would love to be any of these 4 guys, and although there is some pay I would do it for free because I enjoy it.






I need some new females on the team.




Oh sorry, that was just a random thought.

Thanks for Reading,

Robert Mack

Friday, May 05, 2006

I need a woman.....or a secretary......or both....

I can honestly say that this has been a crazy, crazy week. Let's begin.

* As I've chronicled in the past, I had to go to court to resolve some matters from 5 and 6 years ago. One was for driving without insurance in 2000. I'm almost certain I had it but for some dumb ass reason (I was 20 at the time) my insurance info was in the trunk but the officer didn't allow me to get out to look for it. And I would have been fumblin' thru my junky trunk anyways to look for it. I never remembered getting a court date for it; possibly because it was sent to an old address in Rockford, as I moved back to Chi-town a few months earlier.

* In 2001, I was stopped for driving on a suspended registration. Again, a court date was set but I do not remember ever receiving one. I was still young at kinda dumb at the time, but I'm smart enough to know to never skip court no matter what the situation is.

Since I never went to court for either; the fines were 621 for no insurance and 1021 for suspended registration. I went to court last month to file a motion to vacate, and the prosecutor agreed that If I show that I have insurance on my current car and show that I no longer have the suspended registration car anymore, my fine would be reduced to 150 and 70, respectively. Ok the insurance thing is no problem, but the car..........

The whip in question was my 92 Park Avenue. I quit driving it once I got a "Lac Seville STS (I thought I was cold, LOL). So I let my boy Big One drive it around (again, me being young and dumb), and he was going to take care of it for me but it eventually needed some fixing and was inoperable. This fool left my car out with no plates on the street and the city towed it, and didn't tell me for quite a took me a while to forgive him. The city eventually crushed the car to a cube a la Christina. So what does that mean now? I can't tell them that the car was towed away by the city, or else that fine would stand. So I've been wracking my brain all week trying to figure out how I was going to plausibly prove I didn't have this car anymore. I thought of a few didn't come together until Wednesday.

I won't say what I did, for self-incrimination sake (LOL), lets just say "it wasn't right". So I went court on Thursday, really sweating the situation, wondering will the judge or the prosecutor see thru me. Again, I was dressed for the part, and again, I was the best dressed person at court that day. I'll never understand for the life of me why people don't look at least somewhat presentable when coming before a judge. One dude had on a white tee, some Space Jam Jordans, and black jogging pants rolled up to the knees.

It felt like forever waiting for my name to be called. Once it was called, the judge referred the cases to the prosecutor again. So I had to wait once more. After a long while, the prosecutor called me and another guy, who had a ticket from 1992 (WTF?) that he said he already paid. So he dealt with him for what seemed like another hour, but was maybe 10 mins. Then he got to me.

He looked over my insurance cards. OK

Now its time for the "proof of trade in of old vehicle". I was expecting him to really look at the info, but surprisingly, he barely glanced over it. OK

It's over!..........

The judge called me again, I agreed to pay 220, and I'm out the door!!!

But wait, its still not entirely over, yet. I have to wait until the system updates my info in the system, which takes about 3-5 business days, before I can get my license renewed. Which means I gotta drive from Chicago to F*ckin Joliet (about an hour and 15 mins) to get this info to give to the DMV. But the hard part is over.

* All of that work on trying to get my court 'ish right and I forgot that I had an appointment with my second job (the cable spot) to request the holidays off. See at my first job (the computer spot), we're off on the major holidays, no questions asked. We even get an extra day off it the holiday falls on a Tuesday or Thursday. But at the second job, its different. You have to put a bid in for your schedule, and it's based off of seniority. I get home last night, look at the caller id and I see my second job's name and number. WTF? You don't like to see that your job has called your house, especially on your day off (Friday fans, LOL). So I'm trippin' anxiously waiting to listen to this message.

"Hi Robert, It's "such and such" at the cable spot, and you didn't come in today to do your Holiday Bid. Please call us back either tonight or in the morning"


I couldn't sleep, because I knew that if you forget your appointment, you go to the end of line. Which means that I'll probably get to work a crappy a..ed schedule. And I liked having the holidays off to see family that I don't visit, especially my peoples in Texas. My only saving grace was that my appointment was the last one on the list yesterday, and my group still had appointments for this morning. So I go in and ask them to forgive my lack of punctuality.

"Oh that's ok Robert, come on in and tell us which Holidays you want off"

Whew!!! We're required to work 2 of the 7 major holidays (they count MLK as major), so I agreed to work Christmas and MLK. I don't have any kids, so Christmas doesn't mean much to me. And my schedule for that day is so early (7-11:45am) that I can still kick it with family afterwards. And I would have to work at my first job on MLK day anyways, so that's not a big deal. Which means I pretty much have all of the holidays off!

* I even managed to check out some TB's. The place I went to tried to sell me on this base model, but it looked too bare to me. It didn't even have tinted windows in the back. How me and Chappelle #1 going to have any truck action if I don't have any tints? (LOL). Plus it was white. I told them that I'm going to wait until I find something I really want.

* Showtime is tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. Thank you to all who have wished me luck. Somehow, Someway, I've remembered my lines for the most part.

Oh and one more thing, I won't be chidin' folks for not blogging for days at a time. As you can see, I haven't blogged in a week. To be honest, I haven't even looked at anyone's blog let alone mine since last week, so I got a lot of blog reading to catch up on.

Hopefully the female stories find a way back on here once I get all of my 'ish together.

Thanks for reading as always, and have a nice weekend,

Robert Mack.