My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

*Indecent Proposal*

Before I get started, for those who care to notice, I always use the asterisk in the title whenever I go back into the past....but I bet you didn't notice (or care). LOL

I've only told this story to the fam and some close friends, but I said that if nothing compelling happened in the last few days I would delve into my past. Here goes....

I was watching Kanye West do a sit down session with Sway on MTV a few weeks back, and Kanye was telling his story of why he was homophobic. I instantly understood a lot of what he was talking about. Back in 6th grade when I transferred to a new school, for some reason, I started getting labeled with being called a faggot. Now I wasn't called faggot in the "like men" sense, but faggot and gay in the sense that I wasn't a bad boy that would get into shit. And the fact that I had a high pitched voice and sounded proper as a pre-teen in this ghetto school on the south side of Chicago didn't help the matter, either. Add that to the fact that I never stood up for myself or was scared to get in a tussle (although my cuz Smooth was there and he would have had my back all the way) also didn't help my situation. Anyways being called that really damaged my psyche, I mean I knew I wasn't a faggot, I was just misunderstood because my family taught us about watching the news and had us into politics at an early age, and ghetto kids see you as different from them so their only comeback is to call you names, like gay or faggot or nerd.

Fast forward to the this day in age of so many guys being gay and "DL", I try to stay away from anything that is not considered "manly". I try not to even associate with you are openly gay or have a "sweetness" about you...And this one occurrence made my stance on this issue even more staunch.

Back in 2002, there was a gay dude at my job. He was one of those flaming gays, he would tell you in a heartbeat that he liked of course I stayed away from him, but he started sitting in the same pod of folks that I was in, and eventually he started talking to me. Now I'm not a complete asshole, if you have conversation with me I'm going to be cordial to you. Still, I kept everything as short as possible. Well, thru ongoing confab's we disclose what parts of the city we're living in, I tell him the area that I live in and he tells me that he doesn't live too far away. Cool, right? Nope.......a few weeks later, "Flame"s car has to be put into the shop, and he's going to need a ride for a couple of days. And who does he ask? Yeah, you guessed it, me. Now I try my best to help people out in need because there may be a time when I might need that same help back, but I was leery of being seen outside of the workplace with this guy because I'm a quiet guy and this former job was like a high school, and you know how it is - people get to talkin'. I've been fighting the gay tag all of my life. This was a wound that I was not trying to open up again. But, hey it's just for a day or two, no big deal right? So I drop off Flame and pick him up and drop him off again over a weekend of working. No problems......

Then a few days later......he says that his car is not going to be ready yet so he needs a ride again for the weekend. I'm agitated, but I agree to help him out......But now he think's that we're cool enough for him to start being more friendly with me....I was working overtime and he walks over to me and says "So Robert, what time are we going home?"



I'm dropping you off at your crib, and I'm going home.

Now its about 45 minutes from the job back to the South Side of the Chi, so there's plenty of time to talk. Not that I wanted any part of it. I'm blasting music, trying to listen to whatever I can so that Flame could not talk to me. But Flame felt a need to talk.

As he telling me about his past gay travels (that I have no interest in), he then says "You look like you got a big dick. I can tell from the way you walk. You should let me suck it"...then he quickly comes back with "I'm just playing!"......."But you should let me"......

Talk about being uncomfortable. I laughed it off, but the 63rd street exit on the Dan Ryan Expressway could not come any faster. He then proceeds.

Flame: I'm telling you, men suck dick better than women because a man has one himself and he knows all of the spots
RM: (laughing uneasily) Well that's not something I want to find out
Flame: It's not gay to have a another man suck your dick
RM: Whatever. Anything you do sexual with another man is gay!
Flame: I'm telling you, I've done it with straight guys before
RM: Apparently, they aint straight!
Flame: Im serious. Besides, I only mess with thuggin gay dudes. Dudes who you wouldn't even think are gay are the kinds I like.
RM: (trying to get off of subject) Ok, here's your house.

At this point, I'm almost ready to throw Flame out the car while its still going, and dart off ASAP. But......

Flame: We're doing some remodeling in house, come in to see what we're doing.
RM: Naw man I gotta go (cuz I aint trying to let no one see me drop you off, let alone come in yo' crib?!?! although its like midnight in the late fall.)
Flame: It'll be like one minute
RM: aiight. (car is still running)

I go up to the house, trying not to even step foot in the door. Just peek in and out.

Flame: Come on up

So I reluctantly agree, looking around. I really didn't give a f*ck about the remodeling. I was trying to get up outta there.

RM: Aiight, gotta go
Flame: You sure you don't want me to try that out for you? Just one time?
RM: Nope, I'm good
Flame: Well you know I would never tell anyone...
RM: Shit, I would know. That's enough

So I left up outta there in a hurry, and I was truly disgusted.....Luckily, Flame got fired from the job a few days later, so I wouldn't be his limo no mo' :)

So nowadays, If you're an openly gay man? Stay the F*ck away from me. Don't expect a word outta me. Not even the head nod or the index finger. Even if I think you might be gay, you might get a "what up" in my deepest, manliest voice possible.


Blogger Mr.Slish said...

I'm proud of you R. Mack. You handled yourself very well in that situation. Gay mofos are sooo manipulative. Trying to gas you to let him suck yo dick. I could hear him now in his Sissy Voice" I won't tell" Fucking pillow biter!!!!

I have taken the same stance as you. That word Homophobic is a TRICK WORD!!! Its used to make straight men self conscious about something they are not comfortable with. An excuse for Pillow Biters to get us to let down our guard so they can attack. FUCK EM!!!! FUCK EM ALL!!! Tired of the media promoting the gay lifestyle like its okay to the point that every damn t.v show has a gay character FUCK EM!!!! R mack its okay not to want to hang around a gay dude its also your choice just like its their choice to want to fuck a man. FUCK EM!!!!

Once a gay supervisor I worked for asked me " Slish when are you and I going shopping so I can buy some of that fly shit you be wearing" I respond " Never" Supervisor says " Why ?? I respond " Cause your gay and If hang out with you other people will think I'm gay. So here's a list of the stores I shop at go by yourself" he says " Thats fucked up your just Homophobic" I respond " No i'm not. I'm HOMO AWARE Supervisor " WTF does that mean" I respond " It means I am aware that they are alllll around NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Wed Mar 29, 12:14:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

Missy loves GAY PEOPLE !!!!!!!

Wed Mar 29, 12:29:00 PM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

Hee-fucking-larious!!! That's all I can say!!!!

Wed Mar 29, 12:32:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

ohhhh, so THAT's how they run game.

lol@him lying about his car being in the shop. you know that was part of the game right?

But seriously when he asked if he could..ugh errr, should have chopped him in the throat and pushed him out of your moving vehicle.

Wed Mar 29, 12:46:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...


Wed Mar 29, 01:00:00 PM  
Blogger TheOneandOnlyInsanely said...

LMAO @ "gay travels"

So you got the BIG DICK WALK?
I know that walk, I pick my men by that walk. I'm pretty good at judging a man's size by his walk, I've always been right......

I can't believe he said, getting your dick sucked isn't gay...

I'm so scared OF DLs....
I love openly gay men, but not FLAMES, they act like bitchy women and I hate bitchy women.....

Rob, you are hilarious and I love your openness.

Wed Mar 29, 01:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Tiger said...

I feel like this yeah he was wrong for doing that or saying that to you, but you can not just discrimante against all gays that is wrong. As for Slish if you feel that way about gay men you should feel that way about gay women. If you don't like gays you should not like all gays, male or female.

Wed Mar 29, 01:34:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

wow the responses......ok

@ Slish
Preach to em!!!! Man tell me how you really feel!!! I can't understand for the life of how a man, with all these women around, (especially this time of year cuz chicks is ready to break out their spring and summer gear) would want to lay up with another dude....oh well, more cooch and less competition for me and you, LOL!

@ Liquor/TV
It was one of those deals where I was like "wait did I just get hit on by a gay dude?"....I was like in disbelief over it. Nowadays I might be inclined to throw someone out of my car now without hesitation.

Now I love gay women. Except for the "Studs". LOL

It wasn't funny at the time.

I don't know what that walk is...And I'm never one to talk about size, I always tell a chick "You gotta see for yourself and be the judge".
Hey I said I would try to remain as true and candid as I can on this blog, whether it puts me in a good or bad light.

Cuz, it's a different situation. You know my situation better than most. I hated being called gay in school to the point where I did whatever I could to get rid of that tag , just like Kanye (I felt like he was speaking to me personally when he was telling his story). I probably wouldn't feel this way if I wasn't teased about it as a kid...and you can call it a double standard, but gay females are different from gay males. It's a little more accepted. Why do you think Cheryl Swoopes came out and there wasn't much hoopla over it/ Now imagine a top NBA player or NFL player coming out....that would be breaking news, on the top page (or back if you read a Chicago Sun Times)And come on, isn't there an unofficial man code somewhere that says that if youre gay you cannot go after another man you know is straight! And he knew I was straight because he knew I was messing around with Tiny....she probably was the one running her mouth or something around him and he got curious, who knows?

Wed Mar 29, 02:42:00 PM  
Blogger Mr.Slish said...

Tiger its wrong to you not to me. I don't hang out with lesbians either!!! FUCK EM!!!!

Wed Mar 29, 03:11:00 PM  
Blogger Dynasty said...

But, in hindsight you have to laugh it off...LOL!

Wed Mar 29, 03:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Prototype said...

I'm not even mad this time....not shocked, appalled, or disgusted either. after watching that special on BET last night, what do youu expect?????

Wed Mar 29, 07:02:00 PM  
Blogger TheOneandOnlyInsanely said...

All men say they don't know what that walk is....dont'worry about it, if you got it you got it....Chris Webber...with the big dick walk...*LOL*

QUESTION: You the cable man, how much will comcast charge me for that cable box, my son pissed in?

Wed Mar 29, 07:44:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

'Bout time you finally came by. I didn't see the BET special last night. Not shocked, appalled, or disgusted, huh (LOL)

People talk about my walk all the time. I always blame it on being flat-flooted. As for the Comcast thing, Hmm I know that the box probably is 100 dollars. But email me your info, I'll see what I could do.

Thu Mar 30, 09:03:00 AM  
Blogger LUVIN ME said...

Oh my!

You handled yourself well in this situation. It shows that you are not 'confused' and you know exactly what you want. I am not homphobic, by far, I just feel that straight men should stick to women , and gay men can do their thing.

LOL! I can't believe he asked you that!

Thu Mar 30, 09:32:00 AM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

u BEEN tagged!!!!!!

Thu Mar 30, 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Mr.Venom said...

I am impressed by your restraint. The opinion I have about the gay lifestyle is the same I have about mixed marriages. I don't understand the attraction but hey if what you do doesn't effect me or people that I know negatively. Knock yourself. I got other shit I need to worry about. And another note why do flamers act they way they do? I knew a gay guy at the previous job and you never heard any nonsense like that come out his mouth.

Thu Mar 30, 12:38:00 PM  
Blogger NegroPino™ said...

UPDATE please and THank YOU

Thu Mar 30, 03:51:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

@Luvin Me
Confused? Never! I was trying to stick my little wee-wee in girls back when I was like 6!

@Mr Venom
Man I don't get it. Like I said, if you're a gay male, do your thing, just stay away from me.

@Ms NB
I did. You're welcome. And every time I hear that song, I think of you. Thanks a lot.

Fri Mar 31, 12:05:00 AM  

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