My Greatest Enemy is My Inner Me

This blog will tell the story of an up-and-coming young black man in his 20's

Thursday, March 16, 2006


My cousin Smooth is my best friend in the world. He is more like my brother; we grew up together before we both moved away to live with our fathers as teenagers. Growing up with him was a trip because all the little girls liked him and didn't like me. He's peanut butter complexion. He got that "good hair". He's charismatic. I call him my alter ego because we both think alike on a lot of things, except I only "ponder", he actually goes and does it. He sees a chick he's diggin, he's going to put a "bid" in. He's always been a big guy but he never lets that keep him down. I always tell him that If I had his confidence and swagger, I would be unstoppable. Why am I telling you all this? Because he's always beaten me at "conquests". First to french kiss a chick. First to get his knob 'slobbed. First to even handle a "menage a trois" (I'll never forget when he told me, he was like "I ain't even a balla. I'm still driving a Ford Focus!!!!!) I haven't even done that yet. But, I finally beat him at one thing: I used to mess around with a married chick.

It was March of 05, I was feeling good because after a month's time and a little nervousness, the IRS finally deposited a nice check into my bank account....So I knew I had to go to the bank to get my mom's half (yeah I claimed my little brother and sister), and on this day I go to the bank, I notice a pretty face hidden in glasses behind the counter. She was also looking at me, and I think she whispered something to her co-worker along the lines of "look at this guy coming in!" with that in mind, my confidence was at an all-time high and I was ready to go into "Omar Epps" mode. As the chick says "I can help you", I trotted towards her counter.

Bank Chick: Why are you looking at me?
RM: I'm just trying to see how pretty you look under them glasses.
Bank Chick: What are you trying to say? That I don't look good with them on?
RM: Oh no, not at all, I just wanted a closer look.

As she finishes the transaction, I leave and head back to work. And now my conscience is bothering me.

RM's conscience: Dude, that chick was giving you mad rhythm. Why you aint try to holla?
RM: Yeah I know, I'm tripping. I guess I didn't feel like hearing a possible rejection.
RM's conscience : Rob, you just walked out of the bank with a gang of dough. Your on top of the world at the moment. Quit worrying about that bull-ish.
RM: Yeah, you're right. But what should I do, I've already headed back the j-o?
RM's conscience: Ok, when you get back to work, look her number up off of the bank's website, and put yo' bid in
RM: Ok, sounds like a plan

So after badgering with myself for a few minutes, I give the Bank Chick a call.

RM: Hello make I speak to "Bank Chick"
Bank Chick: How did you get my number?
RM: Oh, well I looked it up online
Bank Chick: Oh, ok. So what's up
RM: Well I was wondering if I could take you out sometime....
Bank Chick: See, you are so cute and have such a pretty smile and white teeth that its hard for me to turn you down, but I am married
RM: Oh ( as I'm about to go into my goodbye speech)
Bank Chick: But we can still be friends
*then my conscience decides to drop in on the convo*
RM's conscience: There you go Rob! That's an open invite to hit that!
RM's : I know but I'm not trying to go there. Go away
RM's conscience: I'm just trying to help you out.
RM (back to Bank Chick) : Oh ok, I guess

So we begin a conversation about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. She's not happy with her husband because he doesn't show any kind of affection towards her anymore, and maybe its because she feels he's not attracted to her because she had a baby about 6 months ago and still has a little "baby fat". So I whisper sweet nothings in her ear to make her feel good, and she is really feeling that.

Over the course of a couple weeks, we only talk a few times. Maybe 5 minutes at the most with each conversation. But in this latest convo she mentions that her mother lives not too far from me and she wants to come by to kick it with me for a little bit. So of course, I agree, figuring she wants to come by to see me since we haven't seen each other since the day I went to the bank to get some dough.

She comes over, and she has on her trademark glasses, but what I didn't realize that Bank Chick was quite thick. She had a little baby fat, but the back made up for it greatly and she was just how I like them : short, thick and light skin with decent hair length....and I'm trying to play it cool, being so naive, trying to find something to watch on TV as a diversion. Of course, nothing's on that interests her, so we go straight into conversation:

Bank Chick: Can I see your room
RM's : Well, sure, but its a little messed up
Bank Chick: That's ok, I just want to make sure that you aint hiding weapons in there trying to kill me

we go to my room, and she's checking out my closets. of course clothes are piled nearly to the top. And I have my Jake Steed (warning: click at own risk) collection on the dresser, hoping she doesn't see it. And then she jumps on my bed.

Bank Chick: Your bed is so hard
RM: Really? I don't think so. maybe its because I don't sleep on it that much.

I walk back to living room, hoping that she would follow. It seemed reluctant, but she came back to the living room. For some reason I was being quite naive, and nervous, so I'm still trying to find something on TV. But it seems as though every channel was on a commercial break.

Bank Chick: Why are you sitting so far away from me?
RM: I'm just trying to play it cool, I didn't want you think I was trying to be all over you
Bank Chick: Well what would happen if you were all over me?
RM: Naw, you don't want to see that
Bank Chick: Why not?
RM: Because I would do this -

And I get to kissing on her neck, and I kid you not, within 5 to 10 seconds of this, Bank Chick jumps right on top of me and we're kissing at a feverish pace. I take her into my room and we do the do, and as soon as we're finished, she looks at the time and says "Oh sh*t, I gotta go. My husband is probably looking for me"

So she washed up quickly, and I walk her down to her car, give her a hug and she darts off.

So over the next few months, we got together like 2 or 3 times, we even talked about me picking her up from work one day and taking her back to my job's parking lot for some action in the back of my truck. But that never materialized.

One day in July, she wanted to come over and see me, but she didn't want anyone to know she was over, and at the time, my cousins Smooth and Tiger and little brother were chillin' at the crib, but luckily, they left for a picnic. Bank Chick comes over and of course another transaction was being handled, but this time she's talking rather differently:

Bank Chick: I think I'm starting to fall in love with you. How come I couldn't have met you a few years ago?
RM: Whoa.....we can't have're just talking crazy now
Bank Chick: No, I'm serious, we can go half (as in a baby)
*sound of record scratching goes off in my head*
RM: No, definately not trying to do that.........

So after we're done, I'm thinking like "ok this probably needs to stop because someone is going to get hurt". And she must've thought the same thing because that was the last time I've ever seen or heard from the bank chick. Would I ever mess with a married chick again? Probably Not, it is wrong on all levels (I said probably, LOL) . I've thought of calling her to see what's up, but sometimes you have to let certain situations be. But, I'll say, I've never felt better about making deposits and withdrawals.


Blogger Mr.Venom said...

I never had the oppurtunity to mess with a married chick but in my current state of mind I'd probably do it just to say I did it.

Thu Mar 16, 08:55:00 AM  
Blogger Paula D. said...

Haaa! Not the deposits & withdrawals. Very funny & candid post.

Thu Mar 16, 02:12:00 PM  
Blogger Mr.Slish said...

This is just the beginning of your coochie journeys Young Jedi...

Thu Mar 16, 03:51:00 PM  
Blogger TheOneandOnlyInsanely said...

Ummm, whats the deal with married chics?
Is that supposed to be some type of challenge or is it the fact of being with someone else's girl?

Most married people cheat anyway, which is why I may never get married......

MARRIED PEOPLE should stay single if they gone fuck around. Or get a divorce if you not happy....simple...

But whatever, married men are not an option for me, regardless of how good they look......

Thu Mar 16, 05:31:00 PM  
Blogger ChezNiki said...

Wow! Ive never heard this story from the other side before. I try to stay away from married men, but sometimes they pursue harder and stronger than the single ones. Im with InsanelySane over there, I dont understand it, but maybe its boredom or the appeal of the forbidden or lack of appreciation at home?!?!
I dont know...blind leading the blind...good post!

Fri Mar 17, 07:12:00 AM  
Blogger Knockout Zed said...

Of all the married people I know (in my circle), I only know one couple that's faithful to each other. And hell, I don't know that for sure. Marriage is a sham.


Fri Mar 17, 08:04:00 AM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

@ Mr Venom

I've got a check list of things to do before (or if) I get married. Getting at a married chick was one, so I can check that off the list. I was just shocked at how quickly she gave it up. I guess she was feeling the boy (LOL)

@ Paula D.
Thanks, I gotta admit that the guy known as Serial Dater inspired me to write the story.

@ Mr. Slish
Yeah, I hope so. Like I say, I've got some catching up to do!!

@Insanely Sane
She told me that was the first time she had ever done that. Whether or not that's true, who knows? And like I told Venom, it was something on my mental check list to do, and I kinda "fell" into that one.

I think just the fact that she thought I was cute and I was showing her some attention that her husband hadn't been really "escalated" the situation. But the baby thing threw me for a loop, there. I was thinking about that Jay-Z song "is that your chick?"

She kept begging me to hit it raw/
so she can have my kids and said it was yours/
how foul is she, and you wifed her?/
shit i put the rubber on tighter..

Yeah I've only had one family member, my aunt, that's maintained their marriage after 20 years, and they've even endured problems. My parents never married. My grandparents on both sides were married and divorced. My father never married my mom, but he got married to a woman they divorced, mainly because of his "wrongdoings". A sham, indeed. But why do I still want to do it?

Fri Mar 17, 10:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Tiger said...

So I'm Tiger and I remeber that day and when I heard about it I was shocked but couldn't hate cause she was down for the cause. I also remeber Jake Steed. "Dog house out" I can't beleive she let them put it in her eye.

Fri Mar 17, 01:25:00 PM  
Blogger i like liquor and tv said...

I am dying laughing over here.

lol@you smshing a married chick that just gave birth.

lol@your boys going on a picnic.

lol@the married chick talking about going "half" when her last kid wasn't even able to walk at that time.

The chick seemed mad triflin and crazy...falling in love and what not.

But props to you for having the courage to make that first call and get what you wanted.

BTW, what DID you spend your income tax on :-)

Sat Mar 18, 03:25:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...

@ Tiger

Yeah all I can say is yall left at the perfect time. But I wanted yall to see her, I had told her to come over even before I knew you and Smooth were even leaving.

@ Liquor and TV

she wanted to have another shorty! I should call her to see if she is still married, LOL.

I spent the income tax on nothing in particular, i paid off some bills. You know trying to get the credit right by the time I hit 30.

Mon Mar 20, 09:28:00 AM  
Blogger Amadeo said...

I did it once and didn't know and that kinda messed me up. The bad part was I dug her cause at the time I was 18 and she was mature. Then she slipped and said something about her maiden-name. Now I just avoid it.

Wed Mar 22, 03:50:00 PM  
Blogger Robert L. Mack said...


Man, you copped a married chick at 18! I need to be reading yo' blog! Thanks for taking time out to read up on me....

Wed Mar 22, 04:46:00 PM  

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